10 months...

1st august 2009….it has been ages since I blogged, ages since I sat in front of the pc for more than an hour and 10months since I joined work. 10months…flew, but then I feel like I’ve been working for years. Experiences that comes on a minute basis makes u feel nothing but at place.

I’ve never really blogged about work, felt time was never right to do so. Even now, I cant seem to map the exact details I want to give about my job..that probably would bore the hell out of some people. But then, when u do something you love, u just cant help sharing it, especially with people who aren’t in the same line.

When I joined, emotions ran high..it was a concoction of fear, anxiety, elation and every other feeling associated with the 1st-day-on-the-job thing. Given the lucky liberty of choosing my 1st posting, I gladly asked for general medicine..wanted to start at the basics and the subject that I was most interested in at college. It was EVERYTHING that I had imagined, stressful, busy, sleepless nights, deaths. But, no words could ever describe my 4 months in the medical ward. I was happy every morning that I went to work, glowing inwards each time I stepped into the ward. The adrenaline rush when a patient collapses, cracking our heads to get a diagnosis of peculiar cases(usually solved by the specialist in such simplicity that is frustrating ) , finding time to have a good laugh in the busy ward, rushing to complete a procedure smoothly..just about everything there was incredible. I remember being in a shocked state witnessing my 1st death, and also remember that within a week, death became a normal thing, u just learn how to pronounce it, explain to the family members and coolly move on to the next case.

Inspirations were from everywhere. My biggest inspiration was my boss who was the physician or better known as the specialist. I learned how to be a respected head of department, with undying dedication to the care and need of patients, simplicity instead of arrogance and constant counseling to us, the housemans on how to become good doctors. My boss was a walking encyclopedia, strict and knowledgeable. By the time I ended my 4 month stint, I knew where my passion was..general medicine.

Moved on with a heavy heart to the next posting, surgery. Shamelessly I would say that I had no interest in the operation theater. The life of a surgeon begins and ends in the OT and just the thought of it dreaded me. I loved managing the patients in the ward though, because it reminded me of general medicine, only that you have to come up with a surgical diagnosis before booking the patients for a surgery. Assisting a surgery agitated me, retracting, suturing…it was just too much to handle. Again the inspiration came from the bosses. I had two bosses who were NRIs in Malaysia, who practiced the disciplines of work environment like in the UK, which were a stress free, ever smiling working environment. And because of that, the surgical department boasted of bosses who were strict but always smiling. And that made me ponder…the essence of true professionals..the higher position u are at, the more humble u should be, hence, with humility comes wisdom.

Completing my surgical posting was somewhat a breeze, but something that I never looked back, once I was done. Then came paediatrics..:0. What a feeling, man…surrounded with small children, sick children..babies that needed attention and care. The fact I simply adore children did not make things easy, it was heartbreaking seeing a sick child. But then, after a week, that feeling settled and I became my usual, highly irritable doctor. Cure came first, emotions should be the last..that is what I’ve learned throughout the process.

Well, completed two postings…midway through the third. Three more postings, 12 more months. I refuse to say I can’t wait to finish my housemanship because everyday I learn something new and refreshing. And I do not want that to end abruptly. The things that I’ve learned all this time is precious and highly cherish able. And on a personal note, I guess being a doctor, to me is nothing about the white coat and the stethoscope..there is more to it. The responsibility, the humiliation when something goes wrong, the stress and the expectations…pride and arrogance has no room for the moment. No matter what profession you are in, loving it and being passionate about it makes you highly successful, regardless of the cash or dignity that comes with it.

I love my job, no regrets in my career path, no turning back now..enough said!

A Fine Balance.

The three words that brings a significant meaning to me up to this day. This phrase was actually used by a good fren of mine when i was in form 5. Those were my wat i call 'nerd-times' where i was enveloped in books, studies and SPM and i literally just lost myself and my identity in the vast sea of education. Everyday, at that time, would be spent on studies, past year questions, and the jittery feeling on SPM and the outcomes of it, until on day my fren enlightened me on how important it was to seek a fine balance in life.
A fine balance meant that everything in life should be balanced out and given equal amount of attention and time, without just focusing on one aspect and neglecting the rest. The parts of life, like a pie chart, should be our own decision, for example: religion, studies, family, relationship, career, social life, etc. And once we have found that equal balance, we can find that the pendulum of life no longer swings haywire.
How did The Fine Balance influence me? Well, after my SPM, i let loose, started pursuing other things, like religion, relationships, social life, charity and to my pleasant surprise, it did bring a new meaning to the term a wholesome life. I realised that life no longer has to be focused on one area, it actually is a colourful variety of sugar and spice. Like for example, when u think u have failed in one area, say relationships, u always have the other areas like you career, religion or family to distract you and bring u to ground instead of having to go through each day pondering upon the demoralizing episodes of your life.
And now, this moment, a Fine Balance could not have reached a greater height in me. Work is hectic, but because of this intricate principle, i find an enjoyment in the tiniest things i do at work and outside of it. Sleep is of a lesser quantity these days but then the lesser means that the quality expands. Watching a movie is more absorbable because there is hardly any time to watch it and so when the opportunity arises, even the dullest movie seems exciting. And of course, the people around you seem more important than ever, because when u see lesser of them, u miss them even more and that makes meeting up more endearing as u fight less and love more.
I think of my good fren and her words of wisdom up to this very day..especially at times when i'm moody because i'm tired of working hard or at times when i am rushing through my meals or chores because i want to catch time. That's when the sub-areas of my life zaps through my mind and i take a breather thinking of how precious the act of balancing your life can be.
A fine balance...thx to her, works for me. :-)

IN at Last..

The past few weeks has been a whirlwind of events, induction, BTN and getting to work...finally. well, no much details about my working life actually, dun reali feel like sharing much, except that it is FABULOUS!! Hack the comments about doctors not being able to cope up at work. I'm loving it, the tiresome non ending workaholic days are seemingly giving me a new purpose in life. Will blog more when i reach a level saturated with experiences and stories to tell, till then..*cheers* TO THE WORKING ME :-)

Pink Puffers

An unassuming, seemingly quiet, docile woman walks past you...feminine and graceful, opens her trendy purse, takes out a piece of cigarette, lights it and starts puffing away. Ever came across that scenario?
Well, as much as I would love to know the majority’s opinion when this occurs, I’d rather just get to the point and state mine. Disgust! That’s the only word I would want to use.

To be frank, I don’t detest the women who smoke, but rather it’s the habit of theirs that I abhor. In the past, when I was younger, I would have branded gals who smoke with all sorts of slandering names I can come up with, but then with age, maturity and the sheer fact of having gal friends who smoke changed my perception.

Call me a sexist but some how my judgment towards men who smoke is almost non-existent. I have no qualms about men who smoke, I don’t know why. Maybe because i take liberty in thinking that ‘if you want to smoke, go ahead, your life anyways’. Although chain smokers make me frown at times wondering if they know how many years of their life are they slicing away with every stick, my general opinion among male smokers has never changed throughout the years.

But then, women and smoking are a turn-off combination for me. Maybe some women may call me old-fashioned for thinking like this. I know, now, majority of the educated women are rooting for gender equality, so smoking, some feel no longer has to be gendered. And I’ve heard women personally proclaiming smoking as a personality booster, claiming that it gives them confidence, authority and style. That makes me wonder, how unstable and insecure can they be that they need a thin, white, tobacco stuffed stick to boost their image. And if a cancer stick does bring in style like they say, then I’d rather be safe than stylish.

Mixing with smoking women, a number of them being my good friends have taught me how to be non-judgmental. Some of them are great people who happen to have a bad habit. And through these people that I have categorized female smokers or I say pink puffers, into two main categories according to what precipitated them to smoke. And there are two subsets of these categories on how they see themselves as pink puffers.

The 1st category claims to have started smoking due to peer pressure. They say excessive clubbing, booze and wild partying caused them to embrace this habit like all the other unhealthy habits that caught them. And to keep being in the ‘gang’ and to keep being ‘happening’ (as they say), they started smoking and it just stayed on. Well, if they are true, sincere friends, they would not actually force you into anything that you would not like. After all the end word is still yours, coz it’s your life!

The 2nd category blames their life for this habit. They say it helped them release tension during personal problems, exams, stress, blah-blah. To me right, this excuse is absurd! I’ve had my share of problems, have met many people who have had problems in their life and yet smoking was never an option of escapade. I feel that smoking is already another problem by itself to get into it because of the health risks it posed and the addiction. So how do you actually release tension by getting into another tension?

And the subsets of these categories are the ones that really have me judgmental about smokers. How they actually view themselves as smokers. One group will admit that what they are doing is a mistake and they usually don’t encourage others to follow their habits. They go about saying ‘dun be a screwed up smoker like me’ Now this group deserves my respect. Not full respect but flecks of it. Because they know that they are wrong, it’s a bad habit and that it should never be encouraged.

The another group right..well, nothing much to describe. Even I can’t decipher them at times. They don’t come up front and state whether what they are doing is right or wrong. Most of the times, they act like smoking is a casual thingy, so casual that it’s okay to make it a public spectacle. Then they keep saying that they will quit when the time is right. Or they say ‘I can quit anytime I want to’ but yet they keep puffing away without a hint of finding that miraculous time.

Well, categories and subsets aside, the point is still back to the core. Women smokers. We root for gender equality even for this issue but then have we pondered upon the fact that Adam and Eve were there for procreation and Eve had the task of being the fruit-bearer? Honestly, I not at all concerned about the health of the pink puffers. Hack them. They should be aware that there is a significant reason why cigarettes have the infamous eponym known as Cancer Sticks. But what raises my eyebrow is when these pink puffers decide to bear children.

There goes the health of a perfectly innocent being due to the irresponsible and don’t care attitude of his/her mother. I hear hard core chain smokers who swear that they will quit once they get pregnant, but how true is that? And what happens during the cig free 9 month? U going to chew nicotine gum ALL the time you crave for a puff?

These days, being a secondary smoker is horrid enough, and being a primary smoker couldn’t be less gory. A woman smokes during her pregnancy, her child becomes retarded in the womb and when they come in for their routine scan, they expect the doc to be transparent and throw in the dirt about how their child may not have a normal life like other children. And what do some of them do next? They start looking for a dumping ground for their imperfect child or worse still, opt for an abortion (which by the way is illegal in our country).

Of course, all this MAY not happen if the smoking women choose to adopt children instead of bearing them. Then, go ahead gal, smoke ALL you want. Every puff is every second of your life being slashed but then wouldn’t the children become secondary smokers now? See that’s the main problem. Having a bad habit that puts the people around u in dangerous health risks, being addicted to it and by the time the maternal instincts kick in, it’s too late.

I choose to be liberal in all ways. Which is why I’ve never asked any of my female friends who smoke to drop the habit. I rather be the cool, quiet and understanding friend than to be known as a know-all preacher. There is a vague hint of hypocrisy in this approach because inside every time they puff, I cringe but then there are some things that are better left unsaid, hoping that someday these people get enlightened and buckle up.

But then, there are just those groups of people who seem to learn things the hard way, preferably. And what disappoints me is that innocent children become a part of the lesson at times. This makes me detest women smokers even more.

I don’t intend to apologize for my article because there is absolutely no reasonable explanation to apologize for an article that condemns a disastrous social habit that is rampant. And to all my gal friends reading this and if you happen to be smokers, please try to quit. This is the closest on advising the people I love and care about that I can get to.
Remember Eve, remember the ‘fruit-bearing’ every time you light up. Kick the habit, Live healthy.

Why Blog?

It has been such a long time since my last post. Well, 'busy' is far from the reason. I did it on purpose actually, yup, not blogging. Sumhow it got addictive, reading other people's blogs, people who posted more than one article a day sent me the shivers. I did not want to be like that, i mean, i wanted to make blogging a hobby not a habit. Because nowadays i feel that there is just more to life than to sit with a laptop and blog ALL the time. And i admit that in the past i was bitten social networking tools like Friendster and Facebook and how the networks has been abused by childish, immature freaks just put me off, literally. Sorry to say, but i find people who sit behind friendster and facebook the whole day, 'stalking' people's profiles, writing testimonials and posting bullshits on the bulletin boards totally lifeless.

Now back to blogging, well, i do not want to label bloggers as lifeless. Not all of them are like that. Blogs have taken over as the hottest mass media tool yet. It started off as a harmless e-diary thingy and evolved tremendously into a powerful weapon, targeting anything and everything in sight.

Why do we blog?
Maybe cause it spells intellectuality and intelligence. The ability to put your thoughts into fine print has become fashionably in. Now we get a hold of what journalists and editors do.

Some use it as a weapon, like i mentioned above. Personal, scathing attacks against people, socio-political themed blogs that go on and on about politics and economy, 'kutuk' corners, groupies, and blogs from the entertainment industry dedicated to music, movies blah-blah. And the blogs just keep rising out like mushrooms after rain..why? Because there is a demand, duh. To top it all, blogging has become an asset whereby u can make money through your blogs. Don't ask me how, i'm still clueless as well.

For me, the need and wish to blog has a more abstract meaning. I feel that it gives a person confidence and a sense of authority. A place where u can voice your opinions and let others hear you out. And it also boosts your popularity level when u have a huge traffic of bloggers visiting your blog. It also brings out the personality of a person, i feel. A shy, quiet, seemingly introverted person may not be whom he seems to be in the public eye. Maybe he/she chooses to blog as a way of reaching out, to be heard or known.

Whatever the reason is, i'm not quitting blogging yet. I try to tone down, but then sumhow the need to voice my thoughts gets the better of me at times and where do i turn to? My blog, of course. My only hope is that blogs and the art of blogging does not get abused by those freaks ruling Friendster, i dun need all that crap from Friendster anyway near the blogs i read or near mine. Happy blogging!

What If...

What if... a long, long time ago... somebody told you that you would one day live on a beautiful planet, surrounded by stars and mountains and oceans and where almost anything was possible...

What if they told you that you'd have the ability to laugh and sing and love... and that you'd also be met by many interesting, sometimes painful challenges, all of them designed to teach you important lessons you will need for future journeys.

What if somebody told you this hundreds of years ago - before you were even born?

Would you have believed them?

Pelita

A few days before Hari Raya i would not have quite guessed that a major festival is just around the corner. Seems that everything, since Merdeka, was going to be low key and subdued. Well, considering the holidays and since i was sitting at home doing practically NOTHING, decided to hit the beach for some 'makan angin'. The beach is actually situated in Sitiawan, better known as Teluk Batik, and everyone who knows me well enough, would agree to the fact that this is one place that i would never stop visiting.

So Raya eve, we embarked on the 45 min journey that consisted of going through lush paddy fields, coconut estates, oil palm plantations and a few 'kampungs'.As we reached the kampung area, we were sumwat enlightened! It WAS Hari Raya!! The kampung(dun know the name) had like a long stretch of wooden Malay style houses and as i peered through the window, i literally saw Raya coming alive. The compound of the houses usually empty or just with one car or a few bikes around were filled with cars, indicating that people had 'balik kampung' indeed. By the compound of some houses,just by the roadside, people were making hot, fresh lemang on the spot. And the houses were lighted up with colourful twinkling lights and around each house were Pelitas!

Well, for those of you who are clueless about a Pelita..it is actually an oil lamp lit and suspended on a stick, usually for Hari Raya. Muslims everywhere lit up Pelitas and stack them around their houses to signify an auspicious event and also a new beginning. Being away for 6 years, i totally forgot about the Pelita being a significant part of Hari Raya, and upon seeing it after so long, i was caught in a festive frenzy! We slowed down and took a leisure drive, letting all the other cars overtake us (blah, u road devils!) to see closely at every house by the roadside.
I can tell you that despite being a watcher from a distance, i could almost feel the festivity that enriched the interior of the houses. It was nearing the 'buka puasa' (breaking of fast) time, and we saw tables being set up outside the houses for the grand meal. After all it was the last day of Puasa(fasting) and celebrating it with all the relatives who came down from other places would strengthen the bonds. And at an open area, were the Ramadhan bazaar shops, selling kuih and drinks. It was hoarded with people buying the last minute goodies for the 'buka puasa' and this time we had to slow down to a snail's pace because people were crossing over the roads in their bikes and bicycles. I was ticked off at one point because most of them seem to consider their songkok's a substitute for helmets! When are people going to adhere to the rule about wearing your helmets all the time on the bike??

The bazaar spot signified the end of the kampung area, and the beach came by shortly after that. Post-sunset, sea, sand, wind and seafood, we headed back home and passed through the kampung area again in glee :) This time it was almost 9.30pm and the usually dark kampung area was glowing with the lights and Pelitas. Children were bursting firecrackers and the adults could be seen sitting outside the compound, chatting away. The picture this time was nostalgic for me because celebrating the festival in a kampung area, in a traditional wooden house is simply awesome! I spent my childhood spending Deepavali every year in my grandfather's wooden Malay style kampung house and me and brothers know best about this mode of celebration. People from the city area may belittle a kampung area or a wooden house but trust me, its always very merry and noisy during festivals. Watching tv is just out of the question because there are just so much of stuff to do everywhere. Miss those times :)

As we headed home, i was in a daze. The sights and sounds of Raya was still in my mind. And living in the city area, we were denied of this marvel, it took a ride through a kampung area to get the feel of it. And i'm glad of this, for so many things..it reminded me of what i missed being away from Malaysia for 6 years, it reminded me that despite all the racial tension and political haywire the finer things in life go unnoticed, and that basically i don't care if it is a festival for Muslims, we are Malaysians and everyone else should get a hold of it.

So Selamat Hari Raya and Eid-Mubarak people. I dunno if everyone else felt the spirit or not but I did..'we' did :)