quacks & quirks

Soulmates

2011-09-20T08:35:00.000-07:00

I never did believe in soul mates...it couldn't be possible that u meet someone with similar interests and fall right into a wave of emotions and declare them your soul mate. I think soul mates are those who have spent almost a lifetime with one another, going through all life's trials and tribulations and stick to one another until the end. And you look back and say "Yes, that is my soul mate".
29 years and one fine day, i meet mine... similar interests, that instantaneous chemistry, everything magical that i only used to read from romance novels. Nothing ever did happen, we met, parted in distance and remained friends. I dunno if there is any love or there would be...but affection, yes.
I'm glad i got to meet him, my so-called soul-mate...wonder if he feels the same but even if he doesn't, it doesn't matter. Even if things never happened in a way i wished could, it didn't matter. I'm just glad that in some instances the fantasy that only fictional literature can offer happens in real life too.
i love you :)

10 months...

2009-08-02T00:48:00.001-07:00

1st august 2009….it has been ages since I blogged, ages since I sat in front of the pc for more than an hour and 10months since I joined work. 10months…flew, but then I feel like I’ve been working for years. Experiences that comes on a minute basis makes u feel nothing but at place.

I’ve never really blogged about work, felt time was never right to do so. Even now, I cant seem to map the exact details I want to give about my job..that probably would bore the hell out of some people. But then, when u do something you love, u just cant help sharing it, especially with people who aren’t in the same line.

When I joined, emotions ran high..it was a concoction of fear, anxiety, elation and every other feeling associated with the 1st-day-on-the-job thing. Given the lucky liberty of choosing my 1st posting, I gladly asked for general medicine..wanted to start at the basics and the subject that I was most interested in at college. It was EVERYTHING that I had imagined, stressful, busy, sleepless nights, deaths. But, no words could ever describe my 4 months in the medical ward. I was happy every morning that I went to work, glowing inwards each time I stepped into the ward. The adrenaline rush when a patient collapses, cracking our heads to get a diagnosis of peculiar cases(usually solved by the specialist in such simplicity that is frustrating ) , finding time to have a good laugh in the busy ward, rushing to complete a procedure smoothly..just about everything there was incredible. I remember being in a shocked state witnessing my 1st death, and also remember that within a week, death became a normal thing, u just learn how to pronounce it, explain to the family members and coolly move on to the next case.

Inspirations were from everywhere. My biggest inspiration was my boss who was the physician or better known as the specialist. I learned how to be a respected head of department, with undying dedication to the care and need of patients, simplicity instead of arrogance and constant counseling to us, the housemans on how to become good doctors. My boss was a walking encyclopedia, strict and knowledgeable. By the time I ended my 4 month stint, I knew where my passion was..general medicine.

Moved on with a heavy heart to the next posting, surgery. Shamelessly I would say that I had no interest in the operation theater. The life of a surgeon begins and ends in the OT and just the thought of it dreaded me. I loved managing the patients in the ward though, because it reminded me of general medicine, only that you have to come up with a surgical diagnosis before booking the patients for a surgery. Assisting a surgery agitated me, retracting, suturing…it was just too much to handle. Again the inspiration came from the bosses. I had two bosses who were NRIs in Malaysia, who practiced the disciplines of work environment like in the UK, which were a stress free, ever smiling working environment. And because of that, the surgical department boasted of bosses who were strict but always smiling. And that made me ponder…the essence of true professionals..the higher position u are at, the more humble u should be, hence, with humility comes wisdom.

Completing my surgical posting was somewhat a breeze, but something that I never looked back, once I was done. Then came paediatrics..:0. What a feeling, man…surrounded with small children, sick children..babies that needed attention and care. The fact I simply adore children did not make things easy, it was heartbreaking seeing a sick child. But then, after a week, that feeling settled and I became my usual, highly irritable doctor. Cure came first, emotions should be the last..that is what I’ve learned throughout the process.

Well, completed two postings…midway through the third. Three more postings, 12 more months. I refuse to say I can’t wait to finish my housemanship because everyday I learn something new and refreshing. And I do not want that to end abruptly. The things that I’ve learned all this time is precious and highly cherish able. And on a personal note, I guess being a doctor, to me is nothing about the white coat and the stethoscope..there is more to it. The responsibility, the humiliation when something goes wrong, the stress and the expectations…pride and arrogance has no room for the moment. No matter what profession you are in, loving it and being passionate about it makes you highly successful, regardless of the cash or dignity that comes with it.

I love my job, no regrets in my career path, no turning back now..enough said!

A Fine Balance.

2008-12-14T02:30:00.000-08:00

The three words that brings a significant meaning to me up to this day. This phrase was actually used by a good fren of mine when i was in form 5. Those were my wat i call 'nerd-times' where i was enveloped in books, studies and SPM and i literally just lost myself and my identity in the vast sea of education. Everyday, at that time, would be spent on studies, past year questions, and the jittery feeling on SPM and the outcomes of it, until on day my fren enlightened me on how important it was to seek a fine balance in life.
A fine balance meant that everything in life should be balanced out and given equal amount of attention and time, without just focusing on one aspect and neglecting the rest. The parts of life, like a pie chart, should be our own decision, for example: religion, studies, family, relationship, career, social life, etc. And once we have found that equal balance, we can find that the pendulum of life no longer swings haywire.
How did The Fine Balance influence me? Well, after my SPM, i let loose, started pursuing other things, like religion, relationships, social life, charity and to my pleasant surprise, it did bring a new meaning to the term a wholesome life. I realised that life no longer has to be focused on one area, it actually is a colourful variety of sugar and spice. Like for example, when u think u have failed in one area, say relationships, u always have the other areas like you career, religion or family to distract you and bring u to ground instead of having to go through each day pondering upon the demoralizing episodes of your life.
And now, this moment, a Fine Balance could not have reached a greater height in me. Work is hectic, but because of this intricate principle, i find an enjoyment in the tiniest things i do at work and outside of it. Sleep is of a lesser quantity these days but then the lesser means that the quality expands. Watching a movie is more absorbable because there is hardly any time to watch it and so when the opportunity arises, even the dullest movie seems exciting. And of course, the people around you seem more important than ever, because when u see lesser of them, u miss them even more and that makes meeting up more endearing as u fight less and love more.
I think of my good fren and her words of wisdom up to this very day..especially at times when i'm moody because i'm tired of working hard or at times when i am rushing through my meals or chores because i want to catch time. That's when the sub-areas of my life zaps through my mind and i take a breather thinking of how precious the act of balancing your life can be.
A fine balance...thx to her, works for me. :-)

IN at Last..

2008-12-08T02:00:00.000-08:00

The past few weeks has been a whirlwind of events, induction, BTN and getting to work...finally. well, no much details about my working life actually, dun reali feel like sharing much, except that it is FABULOUS!! Hack the comments about doctors not being able to cope up at work. I'm loving it, the tiresome non ending workaholic days are seemingly giving me a new purpose in life. Will blog more when i reach a level saturated with experiences and stories to tell, till then..*cheers* TO THE WORKING ME :-)

Pink Puffers

2008-10-17T00:54:00.001-07:00

An unassuming, seemingly quiet, docile woman walks past you...feminine and graceful, opens her trendy purse, takes out a piece of cigarette, lights it and starts puffing away. Ever came across that scenario?
Well, as much as I would love to know the majority’s opinion when this occurs, I’d rather just get to the point and state mine. Disgust! That’s the only word I would want to use.

To be frank, I don’t detest the women who smoke, but rather it’s the habit of theirs that I abhor. In the past, when I was younger, I would have branded gals who smoke with all sorts of slandering names I can come up with, but then with age, maturity and the sheer fact of having gal friends who smoke changed my perception.

Call me a sexist but some how my judgment towards men who smoke is almost non-existent. I have no qualms about men who smoke, I don’t know why. Maybe because i take liberty in thinking that ‘if you want to smoke, go ahead, your life anyways’. Although chain smokers make me frown at times wondering if they know how many years of their life are they slicing away with every stick, my general opinion among male smokers has never changed throughout the years.

But then, women and smoking are a turn-off combination for me. Maybe some women may call me old-fashioned for thinking like this. I know, now, majority of the educated women are rooting for gender equality, so smoking, some feel no longer has to be gendered. And I’ve heard women personally proclaiming smoking as a personality booster, claiming that it gives them confidence, authority and style. That makes me wonder, how unstable and insecure can they be that they need a thin, white, tobacco stuffed stick to boost their image. And if a cancer stick does bring in style like they say, then I’d rather be safe than stylish.

Mixing with smoking women, a number of them being my good friends have taught me how to be non-judgmental. Some of them are great people who happen to have a bad habit. And through these people that I have categorized female smokers or I say pink puffers, into two main categories according to what precipitated them to smoke. And there are two subsets of these categories on how they see themselves as pink puffers.

The 1st category claims to have started smoking due to peer pressure. They say excessive clubbing, booze and wild partying caused them to embrace this habit like all the other unhealthy habits that caught them. And to keep being in the ‘gang’ and to keep being ‘happening’ (as they say), they started smoking and it just stayed on. Well, if they are true, sincere friends, they would not actually force you into anything that you would not like. After all the end word is still yours, coz it’s your life!

The 2nd category blames their life for this habit. They say it helped them release tension during personal problems, exams, stress, blah-blah. To me right, this excuse is absurd! I’ve had my share of problems, have met many people who have had problems in their life and yet smoking was never an option of escapade. I feel that smoking is already another problem by itself to get into it because of the health risks it posed and the addiction. So how do you actually release tension by getting into another tension?

And the subsets of these categories are the ones that really have me judgmental about smokers. How they actually view themselves as smokers. One group will admit that what they are doing is a mistake and they usually don’t encourage others to follow their habits. They go about saying ‘dun be a screwed up smoker like me’ Now this group deserves my respect. Not full respect but flecks of it. Because they know that they are wrong, it’s a bad habit and that it should never be encouraged.

The another group right..well, nothing much to describe. Even I can’t decipher them at times. They don’t come up front and state whether what they are doing is right or wrong. Most of the times, they act like smoking is a casual thingy, so casual that it’s okay to make it a public spectacle. Then they keep saying that they will quit when the time is right. Or they say ‘I can quit anytime I want to’ but yet they keep puffing away without a hint of finding that miraculous time.

Well, categories and subsets aside, the point is still back to the core. Women smokers. We root for gender equality even for this issue but then have we pondered upon the fact that Adam and Eve were there for procreation and Eve had the task of being the fruit-bearer? Honestly, I not at all concerned about the health of the pink puffers. Hack them. They should be aware that there is a significant reason why cigarettes have the infamous eponym known as Cancer Sticks. But what raises my eyebrow is when these pink puffers decide to bear children.

There goes the health of a perfectly innocent being due to the irresponsible and don’t care attitude of his/her mother. I hear hard core chain smokers who swear that they will quit once they get pregnant, but how true is that? And what happens during the cig free 9 month? U going to chew nicotine gum ALL the time you crave for a puff?

These days, being a secondary smoker is horrid enough, and being a primary smoker couldn’t be less gory. A woman smokes during her pregnancy, her child becomes retarded in the womb and when they come in for their routine scan, they expect the doc to be transparent and throw in the dirt about how their child may not have a normal life like other children. And what do some of them do next? They start looking for a dumping ground for their imperfect child or worse still, opt for an abortion (which by the way is illegal in our country).

Of course, all this MAY not happen if the smoking women choose to adopt children instead of bearing them. Then, go ahead gal, smoke ALL you want. Every puff is every second of your life being slashed but then wouldn’t the children become secondary smokers now? See that’s the main problem. Having a bad habit that puts the people around u in dangerous health risks, being addicted to it and by the time the maternal instincts kick in, it’s too late.

I choose to be liberal in all ways. Which is why I’ve never asked any of my female friends who smoke to drop the habit. I rather be the cool, quiet and understanding friend than to be known as a know-all preacher. There is a vague hint of hypocrisy in this approach because inside every time they puff, I cringe but then there are some things that are better left unsaid, hoping that someday these people get enlightened and buckle up.

But then, there are just those groups of people who seem to learn things the hard way, preferably. And what disappoints me is that innocent children become a part of the lesson at times. This makes me detest women smokers even more.

I don’t intend to apologize for my article because there is absolutely no reasonable explanation to apologize for an article that condemns a disastrous social habit that is rampant. And to all my gal friends reading this and if you happen to be smokers, please try to quit. This is the closest on advising the people I love and care about that I can get to.
Remember Eve, remember the ‘fruit-bearing’ every time you light up. Kick the habit, Live healthy.

Why Blog?

2008-10-12T07:15:00.000-07:00

It has been such a long time since my last post. Well, 'busy' is far from the reason. I did it on purpose actually, yup, not blogging. Sumhow it got addictive, reading other people's blogs, people who posted more than one article a day sent me the shivers. I did not want to be like that, i mean, i wanted to make blogging a hobby not a habit. Because nowadays i feel that there is just more to life than to sit with a laptop and blog ALL the time. And i admit that in the past i was bitten social networking tools like Friendster and Facebook and how the networks has been abused by childish, immature freaks just put me off, literally. Sorry to say, but i find people who sit behind friendster and facebook the whole day, 'stalking' people's profiles, writing testimonials and posting bullshits on the bulletin boards totally lifeless.

Now back to blogging, well, i do not want to label bloggers as lifeless. Not all of them are like that. Blogs have taken over as the hottest mass media tool yet. It started off as a harmless e-diary thingy and evolved tremendously into a powerful weapon, targeting anything and everything in sight.

Why do we blog?
Maybe cause it spells intellectuality and intelligence. The ability to put your thoughts into fine print has become fashionably in. Now we get a hold of what journalists and editors do.

Some use it as a weapon, like i mentioned above. Personal, scathing attacks against people, socio-political themed blogs that go on and on about politics and economy, 'kutuk' corners, groupies, and blogs from the entertainment industry dedicated to music, movies blah-blah. And the blogs just keep rising out like mushrooms after rain..why? Because there is a demand, duh. To top it all, blogging has become an asset whereby u can make money through your blogs. Don't ask me how, i'm still clueless as well.

For me, the need and wish to blog has a more abstract meaning. I feel that it gives a person confidence and a sense of authority. A place where u can voice your opinions and let others hear you out. And it also boosts your popularity level when u have a huge traffic of bloggers visiting your blog. It also brings out the personality of a person, i feel. A shy, quiet, seemingly introverted person may not be whom he seems to be in the public eye. Maybe he/she chooses to blog as a way of reaching out, to be heard or known.

Whatever the reason is, i'm not quitting blogging yet. I try to tone down, but then sumhow the need to voice my thoughts gets the better of me at times and where do i turn to? My blog, of course. My only hope is that blogs and the art of blogging does not get abused by those freaks ruling Friendster, i dun need all that crap from Friendster anyway near the blogs i read or near mine. Happy blogging!

What If...

2008-10-06T04:45:00.001-07:00

What if... a long, long time ago... somebody told you that you would one day live on a beautiful planet, surrounded by stars and mountains and oceans and where almost anything was possible...

What if they told you that you'd have the ability to laugh and sing and love... and that you'd also be met by many interesting, sometimes painful challenges, all of them designed to teach you important lessons you will need for future journeys.

What if somebody told you this hundreds of years ago - before you were even born?

Would you have believed them?

Pelita

2008-10-02T02:57:00.000-07:00

A few days before Hari Raya i would not have quite guessed that a major festival is just around the corner. Seems that everything, since Merdeka, was going to be low key and subdued. Well, considering the holidays and since i was sitting at home doing practically NOTHING, decided to hit the beach for some 'makan angin'. The beach is actually situated in Sitiawan, better known as Teluk Batik, and everyone who knows me well enough, would agree to the fact that this is one place that i would never stop visiting.

So Raya eve, we embarked on the 45 min journey that consisted of going through lush paddy fields, coconut estates, oil palm plantations and a few 'kampungs'.As we reached the kampung area, we were sumwat enlightened! It WAS Hari Raya!! The kampung(dun know the name) had like a long stretch of wooden Malay style houses and as i peered through the window, i literally saw Raya coming alive. The compound of the houses usually empty or just with one car or a few bikes around were filled with cars, indicating that people had 'balik kampung' indeed. By the compound of some houses,just by the roadside, people were making hot, fresh lemang on the spot. And the houses were lighted up with colourful twinkling lights and around each house were Pelitas!

Well, for those of you who are clueless about a Pelita..it is actually an oil lamp lit and suspended on a stick, usually for Hari Raya. Muslims everywhere lit up Pelitas and stack them around their houses to signify an auspicious event and also a new beginning. Being away for 6 years, i totally forgot about the Pelita being a significant part of Hari Raya, and upon seeing it after so long, i was caught in a festive frenzy! We slowed down and took a leisure drive, letting all the other cars overtake us (blah, u road devils!) to see closely at every house by the roadside.
I can tell you that despite being a watcher from a distance, i could almost feel the festivity that enriched the interior of the houses. It was nearing the 'buka puasa' (breaking of fast) time, and we saw tables being set up outside the houses for the grand meal. After all it was the last day of Puasa(fasting) and celebrating it with all the relatives who came down from other places would strengthen the bonds. And at an open area, were the Ramadhan bazaar shops, selling kuih and drinks. It was hoarded with people buying the last minute goodies for the 'buka puasa' and this time we had to slow down to a snail's pace because people were crossing over the roads in their bikes and bicycles. I was ticked off at one point because most of them seem to consider their songkok's a substitute for helmets! When are people going to adhere to the rule about wearing your helmets all the time on the bike??

The bazaar spot signified the end of the kampung area, and the beach came by shortly after that. Post-sunset, sea, sand, wind and seafood, we headed back home and passed through the kampung area again in glee :) This time it was almost 9.30pm and the usually dark kampung area was glowing with the lights and Pelitas. Children were bursting firecrackers and the adults could be seen sitting outside the compound, chatting away. The picture this time was nostalgic for me because celebrating the festival in a kampung area, in a traditional wooden house is simply awesome! I spent my childhood spending Deepavali every year in my grandfather's wooden Malay style kampung house and me and brothers know best about this mode of celebration. People from the city area may belittle a kampung area or a wooden house but trust me, its always very merry and noisy during festivals. Watching tv is just out of the question because there are just so much of stuff to do everywhere. Miss those times :)

As we headed home, i was in a daze. The sights and sounds of Raya was still in my mind. And living in the city area, we were denied of this marvel, it took a ride through a kampung area to get the feel of it. And i'm glad of this, for so many things..it reminded me of what i missed being away from Malaysia for 6 years, it reminded me that despite all the racial tension and political haywire the finer things in life go unnoticed, and that basically i don't care if it is a festival for Muslims, we are Malaysians and everyone else should get a hold of it.

So Selamat Hari Raya and Eid-Mubarak people. I dunno if everyone else felt the spirit or not but I did..'we' did :)

Every Woman..

2008-09-27T23:23:00.000-07:00

Got this piece of work via email...From the 1997 Glamour article to be exact. How devilishly true... :

A woman should have...

1. One old boyfriend you can imagine going back to and one who reminds you of how far you’ve come. (going back is NO longer an option.Period.)

2. A decent piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in your family.
(does a Lava lamp count?)

3. Something perfect to wear if the employer or man of your dreams wants to see you in an hour. (too many to choose from :P)

4. A purse, a suitcase and an umbrella you’re not ashamed to be seen carrying. (i'm SO not an umbrella person :S)

5. A youth you’re content to move beyond. (hell yea!)

6. A past juicy enough that you’re looking forward to retelling it in your old age.(does it have to be true?)

7. The realization that you are actually going to have an old age—and some money set aside to help fund it.(duhh)

8. An e-mail address, a voice mailbox and a bank account—all of which nobody has access to but you. (a voice mailbox? hmm...)

9. A résumé that is not even the slightest bit padded. (never had one)

10. One friend who always makes you laugh and one who lets you cry. (*smiles*)

11. A set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill and a black lace bra. (the last one is a MUST have!)

12. Something ridiculously expensive that you bought for yourself, just because you deserve it. (in comes the branded stuff)

13. The belief that you deserve it. (hell yea)

14. A skin-care regimen, an exercise routine and a plan for dealing with those few other facets of life that don’t get better after 30. (check-mate)

15. A solid start on a satisfying career, a satisfying relationship and all those other facets of life that do get better. (wohoooo...i'm there, touchwood!)

Behind Sati

2008-09-27T08:47:00.000-07:00

In a Hindu wedding, there is a significant ritual where the newly weds walk 7 steps around the fire or agni. In between the 7 circles, the wife crosses over her husband's path and leads the way. This moment symbolizes the phrase where 'if there would be death, i would go 1st'.

Observing this ritual, it is considered a spiritual blessing if during a couple's lifetime, the wife reaches death before her husband. A devout and pious Hindu wife would want a death as such, to die a sumangali(a woman still married to a very much alive husband). An when that does not happen, as such in most cases these days, in comes this horrifying practice of Sati. Sati is a ritual where during the funeral of her husband, the now widowed wife would have to jump into the flames of the funeral pyre as to 'follow' her husband even in death. I read about this blood curdling system long time back and winced in disgust when i heard that it is still practiced in remote parts of India. As much as i abhorred this practice, i decided to find out the real meaning of Sati and how it materialized.
Found the answer between of chapter's of The Ramayana...well, to me, its a beautiful mythology.Just a mythology with no regard to adhere to it. Period.

The first day of Brahma. In this period lived Rudra, whom we now speak of as Lord Shiva, a simple mendicant who took pleasure in meditating in cremation grounds and in passing his time in the company of spirits, ghouls and goblins. He took to his heart a desire to wed the beautiful Sati (or known as Uma in The Mahabharata), daughter of Lord Daksha. And eventually Sati proclaimed her undying desire to wed Rudra much to her father's anger.
Lord Daksha viewed Rudra as a unruly, dishevelled, homeless mendicant who unfit for his daughter who had been brought up in the laps of luxuries like satins, gold, diamonds and tenderness. So he rejected Rudra and defying her father, Sati went ahead and married Rudra.
Once becoming his son-in-law, Lord Daksha was compelled to include Rudra in all the family rituals and affairs. And being the proud and uncompromising founder of the Arya race, Lord Daksha decided to humiliate Rudra by neglecting to invite Rudra for an important Yagna(religious fire ritual) whilst making sure that Sati was present.
Sati soon realised her father's doings,as all the assembled guests began commenting critically on Rudra's absence.
Daksha's scheme flew back flat back on his face. Sati was devastated by her father's insult towards her husband. So blaming her father continuously, she then threw herself bodily into the Yagna havan, calling out to the fire God Agni to accept her sacrifice. Before anyone could stop this horrifying spectacle, she was engulfed by the flames of the sacred fire. And since then, her name Sati became a symbol for self-sacrifice. Even today, any widowed wife who chooses to follow her husband to the afterlife may voluntarily consign herself to his funeral pyre in the act of Sati.

As we can see from the fable, the last paragraph truly highlights the Sati as being a choice of the woman herself and thus, she should not be forced into performing a Sati unwillingly. So, even in religion(glad to note that), this act is not compulsory, neither is it obligatory. It just a sad case that people in the name of being religiously 'devoted' choose to become dogmas and instill this practice on widowed women.
As i see it, Sati should just remain where it started, the days of Brahma, as a mythology and nothing else.

Colours

2008-09-24T22:56:00.000-07:00

Ever observed the world around us? Minus the buildings, the nature, the people...there is something else that often escapes our eye. Colours. Varna. Warna. Rangoli. What would the world be without them?

I love colours. When people ask that same boring old question over and over again, 'what is your fav colour?' i give my same old answer again and again..that i don't have a favourite colour, every colour is a colour i like. I dun quite get some people who hate certain colours. Just because maybe they don't look nice in an outfit of that colour, they swear off it. But when the question about favourite colour pops out, people never seem broaden their mind about colours. Favourite colour for some is always colour you wear, not colours we see around us.

My fascination with colour is not only with the clothes i wear but everything in the environment, around me, within me that i see or feel is colourful. And yes, i have this weird fetish about owning a piece of clothing of every colour in the world imaginable.And i also like gazing at bright, colourful things..makes me feel refreshed and youthful.

I read an interesting article on NST few days back about good blogging and a phrase caught my attention. The writer likened a good article to colour. He said 'Think about a tree, covered in only green leaves, the only colour on its body. Somehow the tree with only one option as its colour has to stand out from other colours like red, gold, blue, yellow..and yet it does.' Surprisingly it does, doesn't it?

A friend of mine once swore that he hated the colour green, and i pointed out to him that if there was no green in the world, what about the trees? What colour would they be? I was surpised with my question, i did not see it coming. But then after that day, i began to look more at colours. Sky wouldn't be sky if it wasn't blue and the sun would not be flaming without its vibrant reds and gold mesh work.

Yes, like it or not, the colours we love and hate are everywhere around us. Colours do not bring hate, red is the colour of blood and crime but red is also a colour of love..(or was it purple?). If we had a colour we hate, we would NOT be fascinated with rainbows.

Perhaps the best example of colours that i can relate too is life. I always stick by this rule..life, given to us by God is a vast, empty canvas. We fill it up with the colours we like. Abstract as that may sound, we do use the term a colourful life right? And don't we all want a life that is as colourful as a rainbow?

I can't say my life is purely red, or purely green or as holy as it sounds..purely white! A white life is probably boring and event less.

Oh well, coming back to colours we can see...how to embrace them? Well, observation and appreciation. I observe the colours of flowers, fruits and everything else. An orange, a red apple, a rose flower..everything. Even a spoiled tv has thread works of colours on its screen.

Now how not to avoid such a brilliant creation of God that we fail to realise? Its everywhere, also within us throughout our life. Colours. Yes, i love ALL colours.

Freedom.

2008-09-12T23:48:00.001-07:00

Freedom to speak out our mind. Freedom to voice out our opinions. Freedom to question the rights and wrongs. Freedom to protest for justification of actions.
Freedom to ...blog.
Freedom for the radical bloggers i support!
Where is the freedom anyways?

September 16 2008

2008-09-12T03:51:00.000-07:00

Where the mind is without fear and the head is held high,
Where knowledge is free,
Where the world has not been broken up into fragments by narrow domestic walls,
Where words come out from the depth of truth,
Where tireless striving stretches its arms towards perfection,
Where the clear stream of reason has not lost its way into the dreary desert sand of dead habit,
Where the mind is lead forward by thee into ever-widening thought and action,
Into that heaven of freedom, my Father, let my country awake.

~ Rabindranath Tagore, Poems.

Why Me?!

2008-09-08T23:00:00.000-07:00

Okay, i'm NOT going to use the word 'hate' here, because i dun believe in the expressions of hatred and that is the reason why my postings does not have that word scribbled anywhere. So lets just stick with lighter words like 'detest' or 'loathe'. Well, getting to my point, let me just say this for once and all..I detest people who use the term 'why me'?

Yup, talking about whiners..complainers, grumblers...argh! I've encountered so many people of this nature, and that EXCLUDES children. When you're a child and you complain about the petty things in life, you can be forgiven, but when you are an adult and the slightest thing causes a storm in your tea cup..now That is annoying.
This is no personal hit towards any being i know but then i've had my horror share of whiny people. They complain and complain at almost any cost on how miserable their life is and end it with the infamous line..'why me'?

Well, i feel that there is nothing wrong in complaining, if your life is really in the pits but then slight matters like why your car broke down or why your pimple left a scar or why your bf is not romantic are just the few pathetic things to whine about.

The two most baffling words of human nature is 'satisfaction' and 'contentment'. Why baffling? Well, we know the word, we know the meaning and yet its just so hard for us to embrace it. And you know what the worst thing? When they literally put the blame on God when they can't find their sense of contentment or satisfaction.
There is one irony that makes me snicker. When people are in trouble, they love using the term 'why me' and they start grumbling about why God choose them to suffer , blah-blah. And yet, when the exact same person gets a hold of success, he/she starts preaching about how he earned it, how his personality helped him and makes very little reference to God. And isn't it comical that during these times, the term 'why me' takes a hiatus?

You know sometimes we feel a little eee-d with people who blow their own trumpet, people who seem ego-maniacal when they reached the pinnacle of success and attribute it all to themselves. But then, sometimes that certain group of people may have the right point. They take responsibility over their own life, which means that success or failure is purely their own fault. Simple as that. When they fail, they question themselves, they improvise themselves and they point the finger towards themselves. And when they succeed, the glory is purely theirs.

I've had people whine to me about the MOST ridiculous things they encounter, and i bite my tongue hard hoping that someday they would realize the small, great things in life that they should be appreciating. And they fail to decipher the fact that there are so many others in the world who has a more bleak life than them, and they should just be thankful that their life is 'ok'. Life cannot be perfect, because 'contentment' in the human race is a very far-fetched thought. I consider those who can come out and say 'i'm contented' really lucky and brave people whose self-realization hit them fast, whilst the rest of us are still grappling with the meaning of it.

Honestly speaking, i've segregated people's maturity based on the 'why me' theory. To those who still feel that God purposely picks on you during your hard times, go bang your head somewhere and get some sense. It is really our life and how to live it purely our choice. God is an important part of life but He is a guidance and not our caretaker.

I don't want to preach about how not to complain and all, but sometimes right, people, it does a great deal when you think hard, open yourself and see reflections of so many others suffering around you, so many who choose to keep their problems to themselves instead of complaining and cussing and blaming. Everyone gets a share of problems and happiness in life, and there are a few unlucky ones who get a stronger dose of the former.

So before complaining, remember that for every bad thing in life u encounter, there is always a worser scenario for another individual somewhere. So get the 'why-me' out of your vocab plz, its annoying. (oops, did i just whine..?)

International Literacy Day ( 8th Sept 2008)

2008-09-07T04:08:00.000-07:00

"Literacy is the best remedy"

International Literacy Day (ILD) 2008 is placing a special focus on the important relationship between literacy and health. This is the theme for the 2007-2008 biennium of the United Nations Literacy Decade.

UNESCO and its partners are underlining the significance of literacy for healthy societies, with a strong emphasis on the HIV/AIDS pandemic and major diseases like tuberculosis and malaria. These are some of the world’s most important public health concerns. This year’s slogan is “Literacy is the best remedy”.

The Lost Spirit of Merdeka

2008-09-03T22:37:00.000-07:00

We celebrated our 51st Year of Independance last week in a PUREly forgetable fashion. I was disappointed even days before, saying knowingly that this year Merdeka was going to suck mainly because the political arena was in shambles. And yup, it was true. I didn't feel it at all. There wasn't much hype, and it just looked like another public holiday to many.

When i asked around, people seem to shrug off Merdeka claiming that if the people of the country weren't getting what they want, then there was literally no point of a celebration of thankfulness. Oh well, maybe..but then, being back to the country after 6 long years, i was frustrated with the way things went. Yea, maybe public dissatisfaction was overshadowing everything but i believe that maybe we should have at least given a little respect to what our country gave us the past 51 years.

Gaining Independance was no easy thing and keeping it is also nothing to belittle.
I watched the live telecast of Dataran Merdeka, it was packed to brim with excited children waving the national flag and chanting patriotic verses. Seeing that u would be fooled to think that hey, everyone is excited about Merdeka. But alas, how nice is it to be kids, where everything adult is complicated and we choose to just ignore that and celebrate an occasion without politicizing it.

I'm not pro-government, neither am i against it. I choose to be neutral. And neutral means, yea i love my country. Thats where i grew up. and everything me is purely Malaysian, my country. A change is what we want, but then drowning the spirit of Merdeka is not the way. Just like how shallow the call was to fly the National flag upside-down...i mean, what on earth?? The world news teaches us a lot about how to be thankful that we are far from third world countries raged with war, poverty and an undecided future. And the local news, well, shows us our country is filled with scandals, robbery, rape and public demos.

So, the choice of loving our country is up to us. We have the right to voice our dissatisfaction towards the people who want to lead the country but let us not show the hatred to our Mother land. Coz trust me, there is no where else like home and home, to every Malaysian and NRMs i bet you, is always Malaysia.

Dreams Unlimited

2008-08-12T02:40:00.000-07:00

Sitting around idly at home doesn't really give me much room to get up and pursue my dreams.'What are my dreams?', i was thinking yesterday. Ever since i checked out of med school, people come up to me and say 'oh your dream has come true' and i go like 'eh?'. Well, not that i don't want to do what i'm meant to do, but just like becoming a doc has never hit me as a 'dream'. To me its just another job. Well, my dream did come true..I had a degree and i can look forward to working and earning like everyone else.

Just the time i have to wait to actually get on foot and start work is killing me. I feel like the whole 'dream-come-true' process has been put to a halt.

Sometimes when i think to myself that becoming a doc wasn't my dream, i feel selfish and unappreciative. Well, when i was in lower primary, of course i wanted to become a doc, then higher secondary, it was 'anything' in the medical field (pharmacy, biotech, radiology) and when i was done with school, the whole thing just flew out the window. A job, i felt, no matter what will bring you success and fortune as long as you do it with passion and dedication. Oh well, somehow, fate landed me in med school and here i am being totally nonchalant about my achievement.

The truth is i haven't achieved anything yet. Getting the degree, the six gruelling years was just a small tile in that whole path towards achievement. I haven't even started work yet to actually declare that yes, its a Dream come true. And why do i feel selfish and unappreciative like mentioned above? I came across quite a number of people who have come up to me and say 'wahh, You are a doc already'. I plaster a grin on my face and inside I'm squirming and saying 'sooo??'
Then it hit me, like a water balloon slap straight on to my face. There are literally thousands of people who dream of becoming doctors. Although i feel that medicine is no longer glam and glitz and we should look at it beyond the white coat and stethoscope, its still a dream for many. And i had the chance of pursuing that much sought after field, so yea, its almost normal for people to be elated for me.
So i take on a new attitude, not for me, but those people who qualify for a degree in medicine yet don't have the chance to do so.

Yes, i'm happy being a doc, even more happy to be actually starting work in a months time. Nope, still can't agree on that dream come true thingy. Because deep down inside, my real dreams aren't exactly revolved around my career but u would not expect me, the most secretive being on earth to actually blog down what my real dreams are, do you? And having a career and earning my cash is just actually the beginning in the process of making my uncountable dreams come true. So yea, the degree and career are actually passports to attaining that achievement.

That will have to wait, need to start work and double check if my passion was really built around this field. And looking at it, the next two years is going to be a walk through hell. So, dreams dreams dreams, that can wait..i need to start working 1st. :0

Anjala Potti

2008-08-05T03:28:00.001-07:00

I was watching Discovery's Travel & Living today and caught an interesting cookery show about South Indian cuisine. Well, details of the show aside, i was interested in the host's paragraph about 'Anjala Potti'. Well, for those of you who are absolutely clueless about this(Initially, i was), its actually a term in Tamil used to describe the Indian spice box.

Well, i've seen the spice box in so many houses that yes, agreeing to the host, no indian kitchen is complete without it. Spice is essential in Indian cooking and the silverware that hold the 7 most important spices couldn't be less important.

Well, i'm going to call it Anjala Potti from now on because i find the term so cute and ethnic :). To start off, an Anjala Potti is a concentric silverware that holds 7 small round silver containers in it. And in these 7 containers that we fill our spices in. Plus it comes with 7 small covers to seal the smaller containers and a big cover to seal the whole potti. Thus once sealed , it can be kept anywhere or taken anywhere. Plus the stainless steel containers enables the preservation of the freshness of the spices.

What are the 7 spices that Indians filled their Anjala Pottis with?

--> Cumin Seeds - usually an essential spice for making the famous Indian curry-sup called 'rasam' but its also great in other non-veg and veg dishes. My favourite product when i'm cooking an Indian style chicken dish.

--> Turmeric - This powdered spice is bright and beautiful, but stains unmercifully. In fact, it's commonly used as a natural dye. It imparts a nice shade of yellow to dishes and has a very mild, earthy flavor.

--> Mustard seeds- A little seed that comes from the mustard plant. Buy the brown variety rather than the yellow. Mustard seeds add a pungent flavor and can be bitter in large quantities.

--> Whole Garam Masala - a concoction of spices, all dry blended together. Used in almost any anything, mainly vegetarian dishes to bring in the flavour.

--> Chili- Powdered powder made from dried and ground cayenne peppers. This is hot, hot, hot. Especially varieties Indian grocery stores.

--> Fennel seeds - another favourite in vegetarian curries. Also taken when u have a bout of indigestion.

--> Coriander powder- this seed comes from the cilantro plant. It is available in both whole and ground varieties. Ground coriander adds a mild, earthy and savory flavor to Indian food. It's used in quantity to add richness and substance to gravy in wet dishes. Use this in just about everything. It's not spicy at all, just flavorful.

Of course other than the 7 spices mentioned above, we can't do without many other spices like lentils, ground pepper and so on. And to further enhance the availability of many other spices essential for Indian cooking, an Anjala Potti is now available in variable numbers of compartments, ranging from 10 to 30.

No Indian cooking is complete without these spices and no Indian gal should avoid the use of an Anjala Potti. Its a very minute part of the culture and i like the concept of it. I'm getting my potti soon!!

The UnInterested.

2008-08-04T06:43:00.000-07:00

I have a wicked confession to make...I have stopped reading blogs other than mine. That fact just hit me a few days back. Yes, i no longer fancy e-reading and people's blogs do not seem to interest me any longer. Don't ask me why..well, just that for the past month i haven't really come up with an addictive blog that i religiously visited for the posting. Majority of bloggers just seem to post their personal matters and others..well, they do have some some intelligent put up but its just not drawing me like it use to.

When i was introduced to blogs and the art of blogging about 3 years back, it was a new, very refreshing invention. An e-diary and a chance to pry into other people's lives. Well, those days a blog was something unheard of, thus the amount of blogs were limited. But then, what happens when the word spreads? Everyone wants to become a part of blogging regardless of whether you want to stay loyal and keep posting.And then, thats where the quality goes down the pits.

Of course i don't deny the fact that good, informative blogs do exist. But its like looking for a needle in a haystack, there is JUST to many blogs around. The cyberspace, i feel is saturated with blogs and MySpaces, not to mention the social networking sites like Friendster and Facebook. So much so, that it bores the hell out of me to actually spend hours scouting for good blogs.

And yes, i've succumbed to the pleasures of the good old books, newspapers and magazines for articles and information. What's mornings without the addictive cup of coffee and the earthy smell of the daily newspaper? As i leaf through the pages, i get everything i want within my finger's reach from current news to entertainment, even orbituaries!

But i can sense that this pleasure is short-lived because there will be that time where i start work and i can no longer relax and read the morning papers. Thats where i think i have to turn back to the net for the daily dose of happenings. But blog-hopping? *sigh*

As unintelligent as it makes me feel, i think i'm heading towards the community that couldn't care less about what everyone thinks or writes. I just want to post my stuff, (and yup i couldn't care less of whether people actually read my postings or not) and move away from the desktop as soon as possible. Well, maybe i wouldn't be able to inherit the amount of knowledge as other blog scouters have but at least i'm contented with the fact that i want to live my life as far from the influence of blogs and networking profiles as possible.

So happy blogging bloggers, i aint reading them anymore!

Coping up.

2008-07-27T06:58:00.000-07:00

It has been 14days since i came back...to a place supposedly called home. This time being home, i knew i had tons of time to kill, so affixing myself with the word 'bored' was the furthest thing in mind. So i switched my brain to the observing-analytical mode, hoping to discover great truths and banish ridiculous myths. Yea right!

Sure it is great being back, every year the same joy. Having being deprived of so many good things for 10 months, Malaysia always felt, tasted and smelt good. This time however i wasn't so euphoric, maybe coz i know the fact that this time i was back for good. Ah, how deceptive human nature could be..the moment u know u have sumthing that you have been yearning for in ur palms, u take it for granted.
So yea, staying true to that, yup..i do feel weird being back. Suddenly 'here' doesnt seem so beautiful anymore.Well, good food and great company aside, the rest is almost blatant, disgusting to an extent.

The political scene is revolting. I can't seem to digest the news and comments by the top men in the country. I mean, when i read the papers, i know for sure that this is not the whole truth, but seriously when u think that they believe the public is going to blind or senseless forever, that is absurd. I mean, how confident are they that all this can be pulled off without question? Gimmicks should be intelligent and they should conceal something! The transparency of the idiocy is laughable that i cringe in embarassment weighing in the fact that the country might be in shambles before time elapses. So much for home sweet home.

And yea, have i mention the insecurity i feel when i'm on the road? Rude drivers, sharp bends, and the never ending road repairs make me wonder if there is a way i can just sit at home and buy the essential stuff online instead of facing this horror.

I open the papers everyday and i see news about accidents and deaths. Its no wonder that the docs at work have lost their compassion for victims of accidents. Ukraine was backwards yea, but at least the drivers were polite. In my 6 years of stay, lemme tell you that i have NEVER encountered a bloody accident scene or a gruesome bodies in mangled vehicles on the road. And to think, that soon i will own a vehicle and i will be a part of this culture..God bless me!

Masyarakat majmuk...oh yea, hell yea!!! It hasn't changed much really. Being the race and religion i am, the discrimination is still rampant. I enter i sundry shop, and the shopkeeper gives a glare that says 'don't steal'. I walk into a saloon and the beautician gives priority to non-coloured people, before sneering at me. Yea, i CAN"T afford anything, which is why i stepped into your shop in the 1st place..dumba$$. And , every time this occurs, my plan B is a hit fire. Speak bombastic English, show that you are a professional and yes, act haughty. You can almost feel their ego at your feet. Well, social pyramid is never going to change. You are respected when u have either white skin, money or intelligence. Without either one, yea u can might as well retire to the plantation and continue your services there. Coz thats what indians are good at right?

And then we have the clan that doesn't seem to practice social ethics, and continue spitting in public, littering everywhere, killing animals crossing roads (are you lunatics blind or wat?), cutting lines and a ridiculous amount of offences that you can only sigh and shrug off. I really don't intend to be a shameless samaritan bothering to help this people.

Blah-blah, i've complained so much. Despite that, the truth is, i have to learn how to adapt and to learn to love this place back. Home i call it and home it shall be..took a hefty 6 years to cherish what i miss most, but a mere 14days almost makes me wanna take my words back. But then, here i am..sitting and wishing that there is no other place in the world ( yup ukraine gets the cut too) that i would rather be. Better facing a known lion and to face an unknown one. Malaysia seriously..Boleh!(i hope)

Journeys: the Ending & the Beginning

2008-07-21T08:37:00.000-07:00

It has been a week since i landed malaysia and i left ukraine. Mixed emotions? u bet!
Yes yes, the leaving part was pretty emotional and landing was elation... and everything else between those two scenarios was pretty non-existent.

Well, the last one week i had in Ukraine was spent in a very very precious way. Well, i had loads of time, packing, cleaning, people watching...so boredom was totally out of the question. I still remember the night before i left, standing on my balcony. The whole 6th floor was dead silent, and it was windy..almost eerie u might think but i was used to it. I could see 5th hostel, all lighted up and 6th year students outside the hostels, walking up and down. And i had my last cup of chai, star-gazing, wondering how MUCH i would miss this place. The place tht gave me freedom and maturity. Yes, it was a horrendous place, in the beginning, but then as i was leaving, i decided that yea, it i could survive this place, i could survive any other place in the world. How much lesson could a country like this give you?
The next day was A riot! The temp hit a soaring 35degrees, and the luggage problem was a headache. By the time we were done with the checking in, i was literally drained. Then walking out of the terminal to the plane, i was star-strucked. For two reasons...tht was my last steps in tht land and it was sunset...the sky was tinted in a pinkish hue and the bright full moon, just abt to ascend. That was a pretty nostalgic moment to leave, i blinked back tears!

But then despite the hu-ha...on flight i was excited back over again! so much for nostalgia!

Then landed in msia...shopped at duty free. Taking my own sweet time, i almost didnt want to leave the airport! Then got back home, the usual self assignment of a full time couch potato. and the midst of the political haywire and fuel prices, wat a mess!!

But then, kl did all the good stuff. Eating, clubbing, socializing...life was back on the luxury track *sigh*

do i feel sad to leave? yes! do i feel great to be back, double yes!! till i blog again..Welcome the-back ME!

at last...

2008-06-30T03:51:00.000-07:00

can u believe it, tht i literally forgot abt the existence of my blog? The past two mths had been a roller-coaster tht is. Not only i DID NOT have the time, but then i just pushed aside blogging and other things to savour the live-by-the-moment phase. It worked, not brilliantly but still exceptionally exhilarating.

well, exams came and went by like a breeze, stressing abt it was sucha waste, 6th year students we 90% docs alredy, wats the point of failing us..DUH?!

And the lst day of exam, i was exhausted, by the time i got back home, i was in pieces...not out of joy but just the feeling of being totally sponged out of info. Imagine purging out the 6 years of info in just a matter of hours? Talk abt a lavage!!

The unforgetable event was the death of Murleen Nambiar, sumthing tht i choose NOT to talk abt. A face i would never forget for a very long time, RIP.

Then the parents set their foot in the holy land of Ukraine...lolz! They were shocked at the conditons of this place. and yup, they saluted us for braving this place for 6 years...and said tht this is an 'expensive' degree we earned. Way to go, Ukraine!

ANd the convocation..now THAT was hilarious. The parents were in for a shock!! It was a literally a riot, a party, a festival..not sum solemn ceremony that you would get in msia. We were melting under our robes, because of the heat!! And yup, the makeups melted, the hair was wet with sweat and posing for the camera was a freaky experience, wondering how horrendous we looked. But despite, that we had FUN!! Gloating in front the juniors, dancing, partying...who said doctors CAN'T have fun?!

And now, everything in hostel compound of simferopol, ukraine is back to normal. With everyone done with exams, and waiting to go back, the unpacking starts and the countdown also resumes. 15 more days for msia, i cant wait!!

Out of TIME!!

2008-04-24T03:03:00.000-07:00

I've been a non-existant participant in the blog-o-sphere.I've been an avid reader of GOOD, factual blogs and when it came to my postings..*sigh*

well, the thing is i've got a whole brain of ideas..zip zapping like a bullet train. but unfortunately, i've just got NO TIME to blog them. i'm an intricate writer, which means tht i write stuff at a very precise environment tht includes silence and a certain degree of loneliness. And yup i double or sumtimes triple check my work for grammatical mistakes. Sounds a tad too intricate BUT i've come across people who proudly broadcast their blog address EVERYWHERE, seemingly proud of their blogging abilities but their language and grammar is in the pits.

Sometimes its just soo difficult to deduce what on earth are they talking about but on the other hand, its just SO easy to ignore blogs like this, especially when you know all they want is ATTENTION and nothing else. This is getting personal, and thats not my style.

oh well, wat a crappy posting, to conclude this, i would just like to say, i shall resume blogging once i'm done with exams and all. till then, keep blogging guys, i'm still reading..:~

Biography : Martin Luther King Jr.

2008-04-05T09:09:00.000-07:00

Martin Luther King, Jr.(January 15, 1929-April 4, 1968) was born Michael Luther King, Jr., but later had his name changed to Martin. His grandfather began the family's long tenure as pastors of the Ebenezer Baptist Church in Atlanta, serving from 1914 to 1931; his father has served from then until the present, and from 1960 until his death Martin Luther acted as co-pastor. Martin Luther attended segregated public schools in Georgia, graduating from high school at the age of fifteen; he received the B. A. degree in 1948 from Morehouse College, a distinguished Negro institution of Atlanta from which both his father and grandfather had graduated. After three years of theological study at Crozer Theological Seminary in Pennsylvania where he was elected president of a predominantly white senior class, he was awarded the B.D. in 1951. With a fellowship won at Crozer, he enrolled in graduate studies at Boston University, completing his residence for the doctorate in 1953 and receiving the degree in 1955. In Boston he met and married Coretta Scott, a young woman of uncommon intellectual and artistic attainments. Two sons and two daughters were born into the family.

In 1954, Martin Luther King accepted the pastorale of the Dexter Avenue Baptist Church in Montgomery, Alabama. Always a strong worker for civil rights for members of his race, King was, by this time, a member of the executive committee of the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People, the leading organization of its kind in the nation. He was ready, then, early in December, 1955, to accept the leadership of the first great Negro nonviolent demonstration of contemporary times in the United States, the bus boycott described by Gunnar Jahn in his presentation speech in honor of the laureate. The boycott lasted 382 days. On December 21, 1956, after the Supreme Court of the United States had declared unconstitutional the laws requiring segregation on buses, Negroes and whites rode the buses as equals. During these days of boycott, King was arrested, his home was bombed, he was subjected to personal abuse, but at the same time he emerged as a Negro leader of the first rank.

In 1957 he was elected president of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference, an organization formed to provide new leadership for the now burgeoning civil rights movement. The ideals for this organization he took from Christianity; its operational techniques from Gandhi. In the eleven-year period between 1957 and 1968, King traveled over six million miles and spoke over twenty-five hundred times, appearing wherever there was injustice, protest, and action; and meanwhile he wrote five books as well as numerous articles. In these years, he led a massive protest in Birmingham, Alabama, that caught the attention of the entire world, providing what he called a coalition of conscience. and inspiring his "Letter from a Birmingham Jail", a manifesto of the Negro revolution; he planned the drives in Alabama for the registration of Negroes as voters; he directed the peaceful march on Washington, D.C., of 250,000 people to whom he delivered his address, "l Have a Dream", he conferred with President John F. Kennedy and campaigned for President Lyndon B. Johnson; he was arrested upwards of twenty times and assaulted at least four times; he was awarded five honorary degrees; was named Man of the Year by Time magazine in 1963; and became not only the symbolic leader of American blacks but also a world figure.

At the age of thirty-five, Martin Luther King, Jr., was the youngest man to have received the Nobel Peace Prize. When notified of his selection, he announced that he would turn over the prize money of $54,123 to the furtherance of the civil rights movement.

On the evening of April 4, 1968, while standing on the balcony of his motel room in Memphis, Tennessee, where he was to lead a protest march in sympathy with striking garbage workers of that city, he was assassinated.

me Happy!

2008-03-23T04:57:00.000-07:00

Happiness can be so addictive!! Once found, its just so hard to liberate yourself from that aura, that feeling. And the BEST part is that there is just NO limitations to its boundaries. It grows and grows..transforms into bubbles of delight, elation, flabbergastion and it reaches that ultimatum level called 'utter bliss'.

I've found mine and though it took me 25 yrs to come to terms with it..i'm still glad i've grasped that abstract feeling, all that was just within myself.

I was like the amateurs who related happiness to materialistic stuff we attained on the ongoing process of life. Happiness, wat i felt, is when u get a degree, a high profile job, cash or having someone new in your life. Well, its not absolutely wrong relating to that stigma but now that i've released myself totally from the material stuff and attain it purely within me...only now i realise that THIS is a keeper.

I find myself smiling a lot these days, waking up every morning, just being happy that i'm ME and looking forward to each and every day, being ME. I wondered why? how come? Despite the monotonous schedule i live by, now i can claim to be another adjective..I'm Happy.

And yes, blowing my own trumpet shamelessly, i'm proud to say that i received that illumination just by some realisations. Hence, i NEED not depend on anything t sustain my happiness.

'Loneliness is a bitter fragment of imagination..almost delusional'.
The saying goes that we enter and leave the world alone, but THAT doesnt mean that the phase between these two realms has to be spent alone. Coz that is the significant phase we call as Life. And our life is ours and ours only..just like our happiness.

When you are happy by your own, happy being your own...you automatically, without question become a gift to others. You shine, you glow..who doesnt love a smiling face and a radiant personality? You become that unique person who seemingly has nothing at all but yet is happy and contented with life. Now that makes many,
envious.

And another great thing is that when u attain the ability to impart the happiness to others. Like knowledge, imparting happiness is almost divine. Try it :)
And now that i'm happy, what do i do next..? Well, i cant say much, cant blog much..coz i admit the feeling is rather abstract to actually showcase it to public. I'm in the midst of compiling my steps to happiness, my OWN stuff..nothing from forwarded emails or Oprah.com (:P) Hopefully it becomes an inspiration, till my next post..smile..smile, people. Its worth every inch :)

Journeys : Women's Day

2008-03-11T05:46:00.000-07:00

8th of March is the official International Women's Day. A day i never knew of its existence untill i set foot in Ukraine. Well, whom to blame, only after comparing the treatment women receive in Ukraine did i realise how our gender was prejudiced back in malaysia. We NEVER, read me, NEVER expected strange men to open doors for us, give us a seat when we are standing anywhere in public or even helping us carry stuff when our hands were full. Only then did we realize the glory bestowed upon us being women and how we were denied the glory by malaysian men simply by being men.
Gender wars aside, this year i eagerly awaited 8th of March like every other year, only that this year is suppose to be sentimentally significant since it was our final year.

Well, the celeb started on Friday itself on the eve. i was greeted in class with a bouquet of tulips that made my day. We couldn't seem to absorb any trace of education that day, we were so excited, including the guys. We went back early with our young, handsome teacher wishing the 'darlings' as he claimed, a happy women's day with a lengthy blessing in Russian.

At night we had Gauri's bday celeb cum women's day eve party that lasted til 4am. Wine and chocolates, sexy..very sexy :)

The next morning, actually more towards noon, i woke up..smiling. Made a quick international call, listened to THE love talk and then went to town for lunch. Lunch was fabulous, although it was a tiny stall with our fav pork shashlik..the owner gave us free chocolates and a free round of drinks for womens day. We were greeted all along the journey by strangers. Now tell me, does this country idolizes women or NOT? We went back gaily, with flowers and groceries in hand. Heard the breaking news about the malaysian elections, laughed about it and got back on track with the celeb.
We made a weird cocktail at abt 6pm, mandarin vodka + lemon juice + assam bol..weird combo but went in anyways. Night was dinner with a fren and i cooked everything. I know it was women's day BUT i wanted to do something i enjoyed doing on the day and that was ..cooking.
And midnight, back with the gals, eating chocolates and doing a post-mortem on the elections.

The next day, another partaaay. Before that was lunch, pizza bought by another fren , then chatted with my mum about elections..again *sigh*

At night we dressed up for a dinner of chinese meal and champagne. By the time we were done with the meal, i was bloated and glued to the tv. No time for dancing coz we were dead tired, God knows why!

And monday, another holiday. National holiday in conjunction with Women's Day, no kidding! I hibernated successfully and back to books and laundry. Wishing and wishing to have another round of Women's Day but sadly, gonna be our last. Kasturi made me promise to celebrate it again next year, regardless of our posting but that has to wait.

I loved my 8th Match this year, and i know the next line may come in as a shock but as a woman, i AM going to miss Ukraine next year!
Belated Happy Women's Day gurls :*

Schindler's List

2008-02-24T04:07:00.000-08:00

Last night i watched 'Schindler's List'. I know its an old movie and i am catching it kinda late but no regrets though. Well for those of you who are still clueless about the movie, its content watsoever, here is a brief intro.

Well, we have gotta travel back to 1944 for that. Its based on a true story actually, where its about the Nazi concentration camp in Auschwitz, Poland. Starting from 1940s when Germany started invading other European countries, they built concentration camps in certain areas for labour purposes. They brought in immigrants forcefully from countries such as Hungary, Poland, Jerusalem and so on to work under them.

Three concentration camps were built in Auschwitz and within 3 years, almost 1 million people were wiped out under Holocaust. The 1st camp was known as Auschwitz 1 known as the administrative centre. As soon as the people boarded of the train, they enter this area whereby they will be visually examined by doctors to segreggate the working capables from the non working capables (the old, the sick, the young). And then after the grouping is done, they will be taken to the selective barracks. The non working capables were subjected to various forms of torture before being killed. Many of them died out of hunger and extreme starvation and the survivors were plainly shot to death.

The 2nd camp , Birkenau, known as the extermination camp. Yes, the word extermination says it all. The purpose of this camp was to function as a torture chamber, wiping out the people who were useless to the Nazis in labour purposes. Their hair will be shaved off, clothes stripped off and they will be taken to a so-called 'shower-room'. And out of the shower heads, poisonous gases were emitted to kill all of them. And of the races, the Jews suffered the most.
Later on their bodies will be collected, piled into a huge mass and incinerated by a huge bonfire.

The 3rd camp was mainly the factories that produce ammunition and weapons. And when a new batch of workers arrived from a different country, the old workers will undergo another series of evaluation and will be either killed or tortured to death to 'make way' for the new workers.

About 700 prisoners attempted to escape from the Auschwitz camps during the years of their operation, of which about 300 were successful. A common punishment for escape attempts was death by starvation; the families of successful escapees were sometimes arrested and interned in Auschwitz and prominently displayed to deter others. If someone did manage to escape, the SS would kill ten random people from the prisoner's block.

Since the Nazi regime was designed to degrade prisoners to the standards of animals, maintaining the will to survive was seen in itself as an act of rebellion. Primo Levi was given this very teaching from his fellow prisoner and friend Steinlauf: "Precisely because the camp was a great machine to reduce us to beasts, we must not become beasts; that even in this place one can survive, and therefore one must want to survive, to tell the story, to bear witness; and that, if we want to survive, then it's important that we strive to preserve at least the skeleton, the scaffolding, the external shape of civilization."

By the way the Aushwitz Birkenau camp as being officially cited as an UNESCO World Heritage Site. There is a certain peak from where you could stand and see the barracks, the exact spot Spielberg stood and surveyed the area before taking the first shot for his film. My frens who visited the area recall being enveloped in a chill eerie feeling watching the barracks shrouded in a whiff of death...a reminder of the tortured souls.

Now back to the movie. Directed by the great Steven Spielberg, Schindler's List is a compelling documentary movie about Oskar Schindler, an industrialist who saved about 1100 Polish Jews from the cruel Nazi regime by buying them over on the pretext of employing them to work in his factories. Why 'Schindler's List'? Well, Schindler being distraught over the cruelty one day decided to make a whole list comprising of the names of the people he wanted to save and take away from the extermination camp. So survival meant getting your name into Oskar Schindler's list.

A 4 hour movie, brilliant because when u know its based on a true story, ur heart reaches out to those perished horrendously that time. And it did bring me out, to wat happened in the past, one of the most significant events of history, yet many of us are still in our shell unaware of world affairs. What an incredible way to give an insight to a piece of history and what a compelling way to show tribute to all those who suffered then. A good watch!
Schindler's List inevitably gets into my all-time-fav-movie list. :)

The Slow Dance

2008-02-23T02:27:00.000-08:00

This poem was written by a gal stricken with cancer.A simple yet beautiful poem that gave me many thoughts..how many of us have ever pondered upon these words..?

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day on the fly?
When you ask How are you?
Do you hear the reply?
When the day is done do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores running through your head?
You'd better slow down don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?
And in your haste, not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch, let a good friendship die
Cause you never had time to call and say,"Hi"
You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.
Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift....
Thrown away.
Life is not a race.
Do take it slower
Hear the music
Before the song is over.

V for....?

2008-02-09T11:17:00.000-08:00

"Its in Three days time. i really cant wait to know how the day goes.I've got my WHOLE list of gifts planned and yup, i'm going to spend half of my savings for this special day which is even more important than anything in the WORLD. As it is, he promised me 1000 red roses, balloons scribbled with i love you wordings and chocolates. And we plan to go to Paris, the city of love to celebrate and after that i'm goin to GLOAT about it to my frens, family and NOT to forget all my webpages such as facebook, frenster and personal blog."

Well, it wouldnt take a nanosecond to even guess what i'm talking about. Yup, with Valentine's Day just around the corner, every gal, woman, bimbo i know will have the same crap running through their minds(thanx to the mills & boon suckers). I sound completely b*tchy, i know. But yes, i detest Valentine's Day...right from the very time i realized its existence. Now now..some of you by now might be assuming that this is coming from the mouth of a person who has either NOT experienced love before OR someone who has had her heart broken a couple of times. You're WRONG, coz i'm neither in any position mentioned above.

Its just that right from the beginning, i feel that Valentine's Day has been hugely overrated, almost ridiculously blown out of proportions. Yea, nothing wrong in having a day that commemorates people who are in love, but then it just got too commercialized for me. People assume that its all about the roses, the cheesy poems, the watevers that keeps everyone in some kind of a rat race. Its all about HOW much your bf does for you, and how comparatively he is better than the rest of your galfren's bf by doing the mushy romantic stuffs just in order to have something you can brag about.

And i cannot tolerate how some people treat like its the MOST important date in their life. They make countdowns, and start sweating over future plans and save up like tons of money..and cut the red/pink i-love-you balloon crap PLEASE!!

When we were at school, hyping over Valentines Day wasnt SO offensive. But i remember the days where practically every gal in my school will be hoping for at least one red rose from the boys school opposite. And getting it delivered to you in public was a sure sign of your popularity. Who cares if you were a top student or a school athlete, if you got more than 5 roses, u had the attention of members of the opposite-sex and that was ALL that mattered then.

And of course we had to rehearse our facial expressions back at home days before Feb 14, IN CASE we didnt get any flowers that year, pretending to be unaffected or masking it by acting like you're some anti-love maniac.
And now, when i'm 25..it has NOT faded!!

People still come up to me before that dreaded day, asking 'wat u goin to do for valentines aah' or 'wat u bought for him for valentines aah'. and post-valentine's day, 'eh, wat your bf did for valentines day la..'. urghhh!

In this case, i pity the men. Coz these days it really rare to find anti-valentine's day gals like me (ahem-ahem), so watever it is, they feel that to keep their gfs and wives by their side, they HAVE to literally worship this day.

To tell you the truth i'm not exactly an anti valentine's day person. I just dont like the hype. I prefer a quiet dinner , a movie or a nice activity like snorkelling or jet skiing (wohoooo). But then its all about the red clothing, the red roses and a generous display of public affection, announcing to the world that you're in love.
But arent we in love everyday? why feb 14th?

But most occasions, i choose to keep the negativity to myself, because apparently the other half enjoys the pleasures of Valentine's Day. Loves the pampering, the cheesy lines, the everythings, so why spoil that. I didnt say i dont love the idea of love so i just close my eye to the DATE and dutifully fulfill the tasks of an understanding gf. And THAT is NO obligation. But of course the BEST part yet, when your other half understands your quiet desperation and chooses to celebrate it low key or purposely forgets that day just to justify your argumentative cause of anti valentine's day :)

well, happy valentine's day people...and again, arghhhhh!!

Ramblings of a Neurotic!

2008-01-30T04:07:00.000-08:00

i haven't blogged in a while...have been tied up and kinda 'malas' but whois asking anyways? For the past two weeks, my mind was taking a rollercoaster ride. i was literally thinking about stuff, one after another, kinda like small explosions of petty matters. My mind wasn't at rest, even at nite before bedtime, there were like gazillions of things that kept me awake and plus those vivid dreams and tossing in and about the bed like some crazed, delusional maniac!!

Then i started analyzing myself, yup i'm a self-confessed neurotic. people have hinted to me, those close to me that is..but just that the word didn't pop out until recently. wat's a neurotic?

well,
in a small scale, its people who are always on the go. they talk fast, walk fast, think fast and their mind is never at rest. it constantly has to keep working, and finding serenity is a challenge that once found, is never kept. i am like that. i always find free time a hassle. and yes, i do WALK ultra fast.

and wat do i do during free time..yup, i surf the net, i dance, i blog and i do almost anything that keeps me from lazing on a couch. Reading was a habit that i took pride off, but even that is wearing off these days. why? well, i speed read...and sometimes i skip pages just get to the ending. impatience? hell yea!
people sometimes find it a good quality..they claim that people like this always try to move forward in life, and that they are always innovative. huh? well, lets just say that me walking and talking fast has NEVER benefited me or the community..so where the heck does innovation enter here?

and some people tend to scare me. they say that small scale neurotics, when turn worse become aggressive. emotions run high and because their mind is never at rest, they tend to do the extreme to occupy their time when they run out off decent things to do. like robbery (remember Thomas Crown affair?) or psychopathic murders. :0
God help me!

And due to this neurotic personality, i get lame nicknames like miss. speedy walker, miss fast.talker and miss punctuality (coz i'm always ahead of the given time for any functions).

Have i ever wondered where all this is going to take me? many times. i admire people who look so peaceful and calm during turbulent times. i admire those who can laze around doing nothing for hours, and yet say they had the BEST time ever. i'm a tension kaki and having calm people around me tones me down.

But yet, chilling out has not been a huge problem for me. i can spend hours having a drink provided with an excellent company. and beaches..whether i'm alone or with a company brings out the lighter side of me. just that at times, when u think ure not good enough for better things in life, being a neurotic worsens the situation.i guess only time would tell, how it helps me through life.

ok, i'm running out of ideas.
hack the blogging, gotta run coz i've got things to do :E

The Indian Serenade

2008-01-14T10:41:00.000-08:00

I arise from dreams of thee
In the first sweet sleep of night,
When the winds are breathing low,
And the stars are shining bright
I arise from dreams of thee,
And a spirit in my feet
Hath led me--who knows how?
To thy chamber window, Sweet!

The wandering airs they faint
On the dark, the silent stream--
The champak odors fail
Like sweet thoughts in a dream;
The nightingale's complaint,
It dies upon her heart;
As I must on thine,
Oh, beloved as thou art!

O lift me from the grass!
die! I faint! I fail!
Let thy love in kisses rain
On my lips and eyelids pale.
My cheek is cold and white, alas!
My heart beats loud and fast;--
Oh! press it to thine own again,
Where it will break at last.

...beautifully, by Percy Bysshe Shelley

Invasion of Privacy, Thx to Technology.

2008-01-03T05:53:00.000-08:00

Its the HOTTEST news in msia right now. 2008 starts and we got a minister enveloped
in a scandal..The health minister caught videotaped having sex with a colleague and that circulated all over the country. He admitted to it, apologized publicly and decided to quit amid all the speculation.
Honestly speaking, i was utterly disgusted and my mind exploded into a fury. Well, at this point you would be assuming that i was talking abt the minister's acts. Hell NO!!!
i was actually knifing the person behind the whole scam, the one who actually videotaped the act and decided to publicize it. wat is wrong with you ppl??!
Technology was a God sent blessing to mankind a decade ago with internet, camera phones, smses, mmses and various new inventions but now it is bringing out the worst things possible in them. At one point we were condemning the atrocities that internet beguilded us upon..the accessibility to pornography, terrorism and illegal cults and practices. And just at the time the heated debate started against the net, it just died off. People gave up eternally. You cant do much, this is Technology. It innovates us at one aspect but just kills off our morality from another spectrum.
And then started this new trend, after camera phones were introduced. Taking a video of every hideous thing u can think off and spreading it via the net and mms. Rumor spreading via smses was bad enough but this is UNTHINKABLE!
The sex tape of the minister was available on youtube, but i choose NOT to view it. Because as tempting as it was, viewing actually puts me on the same wavelength as the pervert who filmed it. And i felt it was really a personal issue that involved his personal life, and invading his privacy was a cheap tactic. The only reason it was blown out of proportions was because he was a minister and ministers are suppose to project a clean image to the public. Like the rest of them are 'clean' and guilt-free *eye rolling*
And yea, throughout the year i saw many videos of such that just ticked me off for good. The was this actress bathing clip, a minister's daughter in law in a torrid affair, a msian actress caught in the act. This are all the celebrity videos. And then there was this normal unknown ppl's video that shocked me to the core. This group of adult men who doped a young gal and gang raped her, a guy threatening his reluctant gf to give a 'good performance' because he was videotaping the act and some innocent looking gal in a hotel allowing her bf/husband to film her nude while she was shyly posing. (and yea, she had trust written all over her face, but her pervert of a bf decided to abuse it, jerk!!!)
And apart frm all that, i have received emails of cctv shots of cameras in ladies public toilets, capturing them in various poses while they are relieving themselves. i dunno which sicko finds watching innocent women piss a turn on but the paranoia plagued me for like ages. I still refuse to use the KLCC toilets after viewing the email and i still look around nervously in the cubicle of a public toilet before using it.
And of course ppl blame the ones in the video for the acts. They keep telling 'who ask to do it'..yea true. Lewd acts in public places gives room for the videos to be taken. Like wat Edisi siasat did. But THAT was in public places. Is a bedroom, a hotel room or a bathroom a PUBLIC place? Yea, these ppl are indulging in promiscuous sex that should be condemned but filming it and distributing is not goin to change much. And trust me, when people see it, the majority just laugh and treat it like a 'hot gossip' instead of learning a lesson from it. So plz cut the crap about trying to teach the public a lesson by filming them. Tell me, does porn teach you a lesson? And pornographic material are taken with the performers consent, they wanna do it and they get paid for it (i suppose).
So when u film ppl in these acts WITHOUT their permission, ure just violating human rights, invading their privacy and making yourself look like a filthy pervert. Period!
And yea, i read the comments from those who bludgeoned the minister's act by remarks such as 'health minister can behave like this ah' and 'he has got no moral values'.
Hello, he wasn't RAPING the woman and not like he decided to mask the whole thing and bomb her up with a C4 or what right? So what the heck, let the man be. He admitted and decided to shy off the public, so lets be humane enough and respect that, instead of being cheap enough to watch the video, laugh at it and then condemn him like no ones business. It is NONE of our business, really.
What should we do? Nothing much, i suppose. Coz videos like this are just going to keep mushrooming and this has opened a new sabotage tactic in politics. But at least we can respect a person's privacy and just condone the appalling acts of filming their personal life.
And guys, this is the prove of how technology has won the battle against mankind. We no longer control it, it has begun controlling us. And there is apparently no solution to it :0

My Fair Lady

2008-01-02T00:45:00.000-08:00

I was watching sun tv the other day and three advertisements caught my mind. ok, lemme explain the scenario...the 1st one was a married woman who sends her daughter to a natyam class and her husband encourages the woman to join and perform dance as well, But she is reluctant. The 2nd ad, another dance competition based thingy whereby this young gal, complains abt how to win a dance competition which is in 10 days time. And third ad shows a group of guys approached by the actor Suriya who give them 'tips' on how to grab ladies attention. Well, the three ads were endorsing products that shared a similar concept. Fairness creams.
Well, u might be wondering wat on earth did dancing have to do with white skin? Figure out the connections yourself, but wat i stress here is that i'm deeply shocked by the way a country like India where the majority are coloured people seem to idolize fair skin and sumwat create an obsession for a quest towards approaching it. Shocked would be an understatement, coz its not only in India that achieving white skin is an ambitious fire that never fizzles out.
Whether it is oil of olay, hazeline, garnier , that infamous Fair & Lovely( btw, Suriya's cream is called fair & handsome..eeks) to that traditional stuff like manjal, santhanam, herbal scrubs..every Indian gal i know seems to have either one of them or ALL of em. But whom to blame?
The community we live in has always idolized the fair skinned. Even when they dont stress it, when a gal is fair it is major plus point. And it baffles me, coz south indians have had that tanned skin since ages, so why change that? And when a gal undergoes a transition frm that dark skin period to a fairer complexion, u can immediately see the amount of compliments she gets, including the classic..'wat you use for ur face, ah?'
Beauty is skin deep, some say but in this case it definately has colours. How may commercials or celebrities actually encourage women to stay dark? when ure dark, do sumthing and when ure fair, keep doing the same thing..coz achieving that hideous white ghastly skin that spells malnourishment or anemic is every woman's dream i suppose. and yea, wats with fair women who still keep rooting for a fairer skin..Get a life!
And yea, here are some 'break throughs' in skin lightening that makes me just roll my eyes..:
whitening creams : it moisturizes and lightens at the same time, so just apply it on the face after your bath. just like that.

facial threading : the facial hair actually makes your face darker that usual, so yea, thread off the hair from every inch of ur face. extremely painful, but wat the heck..u wanna be fair rite? anyways, for a btr look, why dontcha shave off the hair off your head as well, u will now have a scalp that matches your skin colour. voila!

bleaching : yea, threading was painful. so wat to do ah? of course, make the dark facial hair look white of course. ridiculous as it may sound, but the Indian beauticians in the beauty parlours keep asking me to perform this every time i go for my eyebrow shaping. putting artificial substance on my skin, to look fair and also like a rabbit with white facial hair...yea right!!

facial scrubing : they torment a poor woman by scrubing vigorously on her skin to remove the dead cells and watever on the skin that supposedly makes her look dark. many women will say that this is a form of cleansing, but we know u wanna look fair, plz la.

facial peeling : tis has to get even weirder. this method just as it says, peels off the outermost layer of skin that has been sunburnt or exposed to dirt and pollution, leaving u with a new skin. and yup, logically speaking, u have to do this abt twice a mth, everytime your new skin forms. and fairer? u bet!!

botox : it stretches your skin, removing your wrinkles and stretched skin of course makes u look fairer and sumwat 'tighter'. enough said!

bronzing : fooling ppl with a new colour other than white, 'bronze'. it makes you look fairer and to an extent look 'gold', like sum greek goddess. now wat gives that effect? 24 carat gold of course! u just spray the ready made stuff out of a bottle onto your face and ure good as done. Mariah Carey goes for a full body bronzing spray every month using the purest of the pure 24 carat gold. Dumb? She's loaded, she's blonde..wat do u expect?

We have the products everywhere, we have the endorsers everywhere and we have that comments about 'being dark, do sumthing abt it' everywhere. so how NOT to deny it?
Sad to say,i have totally given up on the fact that this might change. Indian women, are going to keep rooting for a fairer skin, Chinese women are also going to keep going for that japanese-gals effect for their skin and Malay women for that 'putih macam salju' effect.
And to top things up, here comes the concept about fair men. sorry la, wei but for me the only attractive thing about Indian men is their dark skin and their moustache. So dont keep wanting to deny us that!!
I cant seem to conclude this, coz this is a never ending feat. And watever efforts to make South Indians be proud of their skin colour is futile. So why even bother rite? But i feel good voicing my disappointment, i just hope that sumhow in future i still have the tolerance to bear the prejudice abt my skin colour, like now.
And how to tolerate it? how to pacify ourselves with the skin color issue?
so simple, we aint dark, we aint black, we are just coloured.

On the whole : 2007

2007-12-29T00:52:00.000-08:00

well, the year is closing in 2 days. how fast times flows, so fast it feels like u cant even hold a piece of it in ur hands long enuf to cherish it.
i cant wait for 2008, only because i'm graduating!!! kinda sick studying for like an eternity when my frens and all those at home are alredy working and contemplating settling down.
though, 2007 was a good year. FAST! it wasnt exactly an eventful year, just bits & pieces here and there that wasnt significant, really. anyways, in review :

i finally set foot in egypt. wat an amazing place, seriously. the one place i could keep goin back to again and again. the history, the culture..out of words, me. on top of all that, the FUN mainly because of the grp i went with. yes, the entourage of 8 gals and 2 guys, gals being the majority caused a series of bone tickling riots. Way to go, ppl!
then it was studies , studies and exams. exams were SO tiring, by the time i left back to msia for hols, i was glad i ws still in one piece. and talking abt msia, interesting revelations this time. but wat the heck, i still enjoyed my hols.
actually why make strangers spoil my time..?
i met nash after 5 yrs, it was magical and we got back the closeness and everything. she is still a significant part of my back bone and of course my newly appointed matchmaker...thx to u gal, i'm back in form and double thx to you that i realised Shell IT is 'crowded' with hot, indian guys. ;)
the Cousin board had a blast in cherating, but langkawi 2006 still super-rawked.
cherating was serene and we spend more time in the hotel pool and the private beach.i had a sip of Flaming Lamborghini that didnt actually burn our lips (dr.shobi 'put out' the flames effectively, darn).
and the following weekend, the big news. we lost a family member, suddenly, tragically. Mourning his loss, comforting my cousins filled up the remaining days. and it brought us together, closer than ever. I will never wish for a family other than mine for eternity, God bless them always!
then back to ukraina, this is the best year coz we are all in our final year. wat a journey, i'm like still in a state of disbelief but we still manage to find time for our parties and gossips and movie nites.
deepavali was memorable tis year with my bday two days later. nice having diff grps of frens having diff sets of parties. of course, the all gals apartment-crashing birthday bash was still THE best, minus that horrid rash i had for 10 days. i was in abstinence frm liquor..so while they took shots after shots, i was just watching the fun and being the lame deejay for songs.
but then came the christmas party. i was back on form, the so-called livewire of the party. imagine a person dancing frm like 12 am upto 3 am...that was me. dancing dancing my heart and soul out despite spending half the day cooking for the party. was FUN and enthralling. my groupmates...the best Kakis for everything.
and oh yea, talking abt the general issue the hindraf thingy, the anti-governmental policies and all that got me fed-up. i choose NOT to be radical, considering the fact that i will be a government servant next year. so i decided to just be selfish and think of my own success instead of rooting for a betterment. after all, when every individual shows progress and success by their own, why would the government look down on us? when we become a productive community, intellectually stimulant as a group, trust me, we will be highly looked upon, world class.
and yea, politics baffles me. benazir bhuto was shot and killed days before the new year. yes, i was emotionally shocked. yea maybe she was corrupt in the past and maybe she had her issues but brutal killing like that is not goin to solve much. every politician is corrupted, the diff between the corrupt and the non-corrupted ones are just that the corrupted ones have already been exposed. Period. thats why i say, to hell with politics, definitely not my cuppa tea.
anyways, i liked 2007. thats my conclusion(screw the ppl who just HATE everything, get a life seriously) and i cant wait for 2008, plus on top of all that ZERO resolutions (as always).
Toast to the 2007 and i'm welcoming the new year with a wicked smile. *cheerz* :0

Raama's suspicion, Sita's Courage....

2007-12-14T11:17:00.000-08:00

...Sita wept many tears. But she had the wisdom and courage to defend herself vigorously. If she had known that her husband had ceased to love her, she would have commited suicide. It was a poor requital of all the love & devotion she had shown him. Her heart had always been his and his only. He professed to be a judge of character: he was ignorant of hers. Was there any reason why he should distrust the whole sex?
When the fire was ready,Sita entered the flames.."As my heart has never gone away from Raama, do thou protect me, oh fire, the witness of people". But she did not perish. The Agni God rosed with Sita out of the flames & she was thrust into Raama's welcomng arms.
Raama was delighted, Sita was a dear to him as his own life, and in heart he knew that no evil could touch her. She was his, he knew it, even as sun ray's belonged to the sun...

~ excerpts from 'Ramayana' as told by Valmiki.

The Sect-ed Religion

2007-12-08T01:55:00.000-08:00

This has been running thru my mind for quite sum time and only now i have ALL the time to air my thoughts.
well, i'm sure Hindus are well aware of the polygamity of the religion, how vast it is and how over time, it has evolved and branched out into innumerable sects. when i was young,as a devout Hindu, i was naive enuf to just think that this religion is one and everyone worshiped God like how i do. as i grew up, i was just thrown into sum stigma that differences were more significant than the similarities.
And now, what do you have? i have heard of countless associations and sects, put up in the name of religion. each presenting a different mode of worship, each coming up with a new theory of the infamous 'reaching God' tactics, and each boasting abt the benefits of membership blah-blah.
i used to feel insecure abt all this. i've met ppl of different sects and they had like so many new terms that revolved around the religion : yoga, meditation, chants, fasting and all.
and my lack of knowledge in all this made me stupefied. i was contemplating joining wateva i could get, all to be in the race of supreme knowledge and 'fitting in' the society.
but age and wisdom got the more of me. i was contented with my mode of prayers because i believe that God has never singled me out, just because I prayed differently than sum people. and i was contented because i believe there was never a time I was denied anything I wished for, in my prayers.
i am so satisfied with the simplicity in my adherence to Hinduism. I pray thrice a day, say my Gayatri manthra religiously, visit the temple often and practice fasting and penance whenever needed. and that i believe doesnt NOT make me a lesser Hindu than the rest.
because i think despite the karma, moksha and all sorts of enlightenment we seek, in the end wat everyone really needs is spiritual contentment. being absolutely contented with yourself and believing that God is near you no matter wat. then perhaps we would all forget the RACE and concentrate and just live our lifes like how it should be.
but i admit, the term 'spiritual contentment' is very subjective. even i havent really grasped the concrete meaning of it. plus, we are so influenced by changes that it is almost impossible to reach it at an age where we are still learning new stuff every day. apart frm all that, i disgusts me when some mr or miss.know-it-all comes and starts brain-washing abt their belief. brain-washing is ok, i choose to invisibly plug my ears when they start their stuff but wat irritates me to the core is when they start making deragatory comments abt my mode of practice!
and that i think is why i choose to be liberal when i come across people whose theories and prayers differs. coz i strongly believe that a man has the absolute freedom to adhere to his religion through whichever way he feels contented with. it may be wrong, but hack it..why should we try to run other people's lives?
fake swamijis and fake practices are everywhere but sumtimes a one-man mission to expose all this is futile. coz they just keep mushrooming , plus we have all those die-hard followers who defend and protect these organizations.
so the BEST thing is? to just LEAVE them, hoping that if at all wateva they are in is wrong or suspicious, they will come out if it by themselves. because they are adults and they are and should be able to deduce, in time, wat is right and wrong for them.
i absolutely love Hinduism and how liberal it is. Coz i've always observed that there is no forcing to join it or to believe it. i like the concept of 'believe how much YOU want' and i also love the ideology of not shunning other religions in that process. disappointing that it has sected so vastly, but this was bound to happen. after all it IS the world's oldest religion, subjected to minute changes all the time. Moreover, time and people are the ones changing it. for the better or worse, i dont know and i DONT intend to know. why?
simple. cause i AM contented with the Hindu in me. changes are sumthing that i'm open to and when i dun like it, i dont have to follow it. simple as that, coz i believe that is what my Religion has taught me. Period!

The 20th World AIDS Day

2007-12-02T06:19:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was the official World's AIDS Day, created by the United Nations 20 years back as a support in eradicating this rampant disease. Well, BBC covered it well enough, just like they do year after year. with statistics and the latest updates worldwide blah-blah. well, i still remember last year, the headlines for this day was that India raked in 1st as the country with the largest number of HIV positive people. and i clearly remember being utterly shocked by the fact and how i got myself thinking on how to overcome it.
but this year, surprisingly, i wasn't that keen. i wouldn't want to say that i've given up on this issue but that could be an understatement. year in year out i can clearly see that the statistics is just rocketing, it seems almost impossible to even out the numbers, let alone fight it. Well, we made wonders when polio and plague was successfully written off the charts and Tuberculosis almost made it there but sum how we failed. and sad to say, i suspect that the same fate is in store for the HOV/AIDS sufferers, it just cant be diminished.
well, i came across sum facts, most of it i conjured up myself on why HIV/AIDS can be a tough thing to eradicate.
well,
1. we need to find a cure first. coz modern medicine has created a stigma among population that popping a pill is by right more effective than managing our lifestyles.
2. prevention? doesn't work. sexual promiscuity is already a habit, no longer a taboo. plus condoms aren't safe. and how many people actually listen when we say practice 'safe sex' ?
3. poverty is another cause of the wide-spreading of this disease. i guess i dun have to elaborate more, just figure out yourselves why mainly third world countries are stricken with this disease.
4. no amount of cash is gonna help i feel, we see ppl pledging billions of cash just help but does it really?

i hate sounding so pessimistic despite going into a profession that offers hope and help to people everywhere. makes me a hypocrite but sum how i just cant help airing my negativity.
i'm no longer shocked at the rising numbers, just keep sighing to myself that things cant seem to get better despite 20 years of commemoration. i just wishing that someone,somewhere finds a cure to this 'plague' ...FAST! and then, maybe celebrating this day would be more meaningful.

Happy AIDS Day!

Inspirations : The Kid Stays In Picture

2007-11-17T09:50:00.000-08:00

He was no scholar, and classmates teased him. Rather than read, the kid really preferred running around with an 8mm camera, shooting homemade movies of wrecks of his train set. He would show friends the results for a small fee.

In Year 10, he dropped out of secondary school. But when his parents persuaded him to return, he was mistakenly placed in a remedial class. He lasted for a month. Only when the family moved to another town did he land in a more suitable secondary school, where he eventually graduated.

After being denied entrance into a traditional film making school, he enrolled in English at California State College at Long Beach. Then he recalls, in 1965, in one of those serendipitous moments, his life took a complete turn. Visiting Universal Studios, he met Chuck Silvers, an executive in the editorial department. Silvers liked the kid and invited him back sometime.

He appeared the next day. Without a job or security clearance, he dressed up in a dark suit and tie, carrying his dad's briefcase with mothing but a sandwich and chocolate bars inside. He strode confidently to the guard at the gate and waved casually. He was in moments later.

For the entire summer, he hung out with directors and writers, including Silvers who knew the kid wasnt a studio employee, but winked at the deception. He even found an office that wasnt being used and it became his squatter. He bought some plastic tiles and put his name up on the building : Steven Spielberg, Room 23C.

It paid off for everyone. Ten years later, the 28 year old Steven Spielberg directed 'Jaws' that raked $470million, the then highest grossing movie of all time.

Dozens of films and awards have followed because Steven Spielberg knew what his teachers didnt - Talent is in the eye of the filmmaker.

-Reader's Digest 2007

Journeys : Deepavali

2007-11-09T07:37:00.000-08:00

well, my last deepavali in Ukraine eventually came. eventful. fulfilling. nostalgic. and a whole lot exciting.
throughout the years i spent away frm home, i've finally learnt to appreciate the delicate process of this joyous celebration.
when i was young, deepavali was more for the fun stuff. we skipped the oil baths often, temples and prayers were merely an obligation. and food? well, the excitement sumhow inhibited our taste buds cause we gulped down everything without savouring anything.
but now i've learned. and the appreciation goes really deep for my mum and the host of ladies whose house i visited during deepavali. the amount of time and energy they spent slaving over the stove to prepare the food was sumthing i never really thought of until i was put in the position.
its no wonder, the women i know would always be walking around the house like zombies , with temporary eye-bags and an a close to hysterical mood. the tension accumulated over buying, cutting and cooking the food ( mutton, chicken, seafood plus the thosai and idlis and the sweets) is something that isnt even close to what i've done to celebrate on my own.
well, wondering am i getting so hyped abt the appreciation for the women who stand behind the celebrations? bcoz i became one myself (duHh).
this year, as it was our last, my roomie and i decided to cook and be a tad generous by distributing food for our neighbours, the juniors, blah-blah.
i cooked the 2kgs of mutton the night before.practically died slaving myself over it for four whole hours. then again, at home i'm sure my aunties cooked like double the amount. the next day i made the vegetable briyani and the payasam (God bless baba's instant products!). after a tiring day (we actually attended class on deepavali day, sad-sad)..we distributed the food to abt 12 very contented people. they were sweet enough to heap a generous amount of compliments.
but all complaints aside, this was by right the most fulfilling deepavali i ever had. because i worked hard to cater to other people's needs. and yup, its true wat people say, the hard work and energy is almost NOTHING to the smile and appreciation you see on the people's face when u entertain them on this auspicious.
well, while i was still basking in the glory of my feat, i had the BESTEST pre-birthday gift ever. my whole family ( mum, bros, cousins, aunties, uncles, grandparents) decided to sing a birthday song for me, thru the handphone loudspeaker. and yup, i bawled like a baby. it was just overwhelmingly emotional that i sat for 30mins just crying and crying my happiness out. it was awesome!
well, all well ended well. really looking forward to the celebration next year coz i'll be home. and yes, i'll get up in the morning, have my oil bath, go to temples and pray like mad and of course, START slaving in the kitchen, and of course burst lotsa pattas later ler.
Deepavali 2008, here i come!!!!!

charity begins at home?

2007-10-31T05:48:00.000-07:00

These days many people are on the move into becoming global humanitarians. as the wages run high and life becomes more comfortable, people start thinking abt the less fortunate.
no qualms on that but my personal opinion, there are many who are doing it for popularity sakes instead of sincerity.
many rush to join big named charitable organizations and let the small ones run dry.
a person is more likely to join a global organization, and close one eye to an orphanage just meters away frm his house.
but at the same time, i find it hard to point a finger towards anyone. people tend to be selfish. the game of survival is laced with a tinge of selfishness, especially when it involves cash.
when u earn ur own money, u are entitled to donate it or use it as u like, big or small scale charity, they say. a logic that i find hard to dismiss.
yet despite the millions of members under these global organizations, despite the billions of money being rolled into it as a support, why is world peace still a far fetched sight?
we still see poverty running the high mile in 3rd world countries, we still see homeless people, we still see extensive practice of child labor & slavery.

another irony i like pondering upon is the use of celebrities to 'endorse' charity. yes, endorsement. because charity is now a global brand, a trademark. and how smart, to use the celebrities
to commercialize it. we see angelina jolie on a rampant child-adoption spree, putting cambodia and africa on the map. we see george clooney pleading us to sabotage the beijing olympics for tibet.
we see roger federer in Calcutta and many others. are we so influenced by the stars that we need them to open our eyes to the world?
and wat happens when they are gone? wat ever happenned to the battle of abolishing land mines after the death of Lady Diana?
i guess we all are mere followers, not pioneers. it takes fame to be the latter and it takes nothing to be the former.
coming back to my title..yes. for me 'charity really does begin at home'. god bless whoever who spoke those immortal words.
To be donating millions of cash to sum popular organization is absolutely absurd when sumone u knw or sumone frm ur family needs help and doesn't get it. lets make an example out of the silent contributors who decline to be publicized yet make an effort to do sumthing for a needy community rather than a star who just wants to be in the news all the time.
we dun need united nations, unicef or angelina jolie to enlighten us, plz. all we need is to start it frm home, or sumwhere close. and
yes, starting it with a smile metamorphosizes the commercial word 'charity' into sumthing more delicate..'love'.
coz at the end of the day, its not the charity that embeds the footprints but the pure unadulterated expression of love.

Journeys : on Groupmates

2007-10-12T08:12:00.000-07:00

i joined my class on october 1st 2002...i was actually not really a favoured one coz my class comprised of the so-called city slickers..jack & rupsy frm kl, jeeva frm ipoh, bear, senthil and premila frm seremban. so Teluk Intan was considered an ulu place and i looked totally lost when i stepped into class.
It happenned to be jeeva's bday and only after a week did i know that he was a schoolmate's bf..we clicked fast but of course jack was the friendliest as the group chief. well things moved pretty fast, so many things happen. we had our parties , the biggest was the unforgettable Christmas party for jack, our trips, movie nights, tanni sessions and of course the fights that split us for a couple of years.
but this year, all GOOD! the group's back in action, matured indefinately and ready to party as ever. we let bygones be bygones, swallowed the ego and came back together as the wholesome, wackiest group in the division. i'm glad i am a part of group 606. and last nite the get together in jack's apartment was an unforgettable nite. it was a nite of charades (the tamil movies part ws awesome!), tanni and GHOST stories. but most importantly it was a reunion... a sad reminder that we only had 7 more mths to go. now i wish time moves slowly...
to great times ahead and to the bad times we discarded. my groupmates are the BEST!

Babies

2007-09-29T12:33:00.000-07:00

"The sleep that flits on baby's eyes
— does anybody know from
where it comes? Yes, there is a
rumour that it has its dwelling
where, in the fairy village among
shadows of the forest dimly lit
with glow-worms, there hang two
timid buds of enchantment. From
there it comes to kiss baby's eyes.

The smile that flickers on
baby's lips when he sleeps —
does anybody know where it was
born? Yes, there is a rumour that
a young pale beam of a crescent
moon touched the edge of a
vanishing autumn cloud, and
there the smile was first born in
the dream of a dew-washed
morning — the smile that flickers
on baby's lips when he sleeps.

The sweet, soft freshness
that blooms on baby's limbs —
does anybody know where it was
hidden so long? Yes, when the
mother was a young girl it lay
pervading her heart in tender and
silent mystery of love — the
sweet, soft freshness that has
bloomed on baby's limbs."

- Gitanjali by Rabindranath Tagore

Journeys

2007-09-23T10:57:00.000-07:00

It felt different when i took the flight tis time. i wasnt sad or upset,i din even feel like i was goin to miss home. well, it was because it is...my FINAL year. only nine more mths and i will be back home for good..entering a new world, one that i had long awaited.
six years i wud say was FAST, and yup it WAS a big deal. i still remembered the 1st time i embarked on that long, dreaded journey never once realising how much it was goin to change me. the flight suxed to the max, food was horrid and the place was pathetic.
now as i skirt thru the town daily for classes and seeing how it has changed, i just keep saying to myself '6 years..6 years'. i had it all here, love, frens, freedom and the independence that structured my backbone. never wud i have anticipated even missing this place but looks like ,after wat it has given me..i would indefinately yearn to be back..maybe not the place but the lifestyle.
well, cant say much in one post..i shall dedicate the whole year blogging indiscreetly and intricately abt wat this place has taught me, and wat changes i went thru. hope u join my slow roller coaster ride and enjoy wats in store. *smiles*

Oh give us a break...

2007-08-25T23:55:00.000-07:00

tis article has looong been overdue. i've always wanted to bring this issue up but sumhow time and the lack of concrete ideas held me back. well, its a familiar issue..Indian Girls.
well i noticed that we indian girls have been prejudiced by no other than indian men themselves..surprised? bet you NOT!! as time sped by, we evolved, trying to fit in the modern community yet upholding the values and cultures, yet the indian guys still KUTUK us...whyyyyy??
First about the language. yes, many men these days find it a crime when an indian gal speaks good english. the minute u unleash a sentence fully in english,they tend to affix the idea that tis gal is proud or is in denial of her mother tongue. then u know wat the guys do, they purposely start speaking in tamil just to check and see if she responds in tamil. if she doesn't, then she is a 'white ass tamil gal' and if she does, then they start critizing her slang or the way she pronounces the words.Ive come across many men like this and what irks me is that most of the times these guys dun know how to read or write in tamil, and yet they get soo patriotic about the mother tongue.and cmon la,its 2007..everyone is suppose to embrace the international language as much as their mother tongue.and yea by experience, not only in this country but abroad as well, knowing good english is a plus point.when we walk into the job interview or even a normal grocery store, speaking good english, the other races tend to look at us at a different point of view and take us seriously. so wat the heck is wrong in uplifting the name and status of indians? just bcoz we speak in english, doesn't mean that we have forgotten tamil. many english speaking gals ARE actually rather fluent in reading, writing and speaking tamil, mind you.we do communicate with our grandparents and other elderly or middle aged people in tamil so i guess out mother tongue is not alien to us as u guys perceive.when i see a young indian guy who happens to speak in english to me of course i will respond back in english...DuHHH! if u dont know then
start-off ur sentence in tamil and i will happily speak tamil back to you..proper fluent tamil with the pronunciations. oh yea about the pronunciations...these days right,when people speak the proper clean tamil, they get teased and sum even go to the extent of claiming that we speak english-tamil..sorryla wei,just bcoz we cant speak tamil in bahasa pasar or if we dunno all the tamil vulgar words in dictionary,that doesn't make us a lesser indian than you guys. and yea, talk about abusing the language and changing the pronunciations to suit your lifestyle!
the next is attire...God.first there was the wearing pottu issue, then no sleeveless no short skirts blah blah blah.well not your fault la, i have seen the wanabees who try to act like the next Beyonce in town.but NOT all of us are like that...i like wearing pottu.i think it makes everyone around me realize that i'm an indian NOT christian plus it enhances a gal's feminity. but sorry la, dun start controlling the size of the pottu. sorryla i cant be wearing a 50cent sized dot on my forehead..then where got place to put the viboothi? hahaha.and when we go clubbing we rather not wear, depending on wat attire we are in la..dun make that an issue plz! sumtimes i really hoped that Indian men had sum form identity mark to wear around always like a thilak or sumthing and oh how would i LOVE to sit and count how many of you guys actually bother to adhere to the culture. and attire wise, its up to the gal la..she cant be wearing punjabi suits and sarees ALL the time.let the gal be la..i know many ladies wear traditional attire all the time but look closely at the indian gals who wear decent modern clothes...they do look good actually. control her attire when it gets unruly, not before she even has a chance to explore her fashion sense. a fren of mind did make a point once to her bf..'if my parents are ok about my dressing,then you don't have much say'..well said!
and the entertainment side. from the movies we watch,music we listen to our social activities.watching english movies and listening to english songs doesn't make us aliens.and yea..wat's wrong? its not like we DON'T watch tamil movies or hear tamil songs.again i'm not representing the Beyonce wannabees who are in denial of Indian entertainment. my frens and i do keep track of the latest tamil movies and songs just much as the english movies and songs. just that you guys are unaware of that. when u see us watching english movies and hear us speak english,u make a conclusion that tis gals dun watch tamil movies or songs so no point talking to them abt it. trust me,i've been in that situation MANY times...how irritating when a guy asks me in wonder 'oh u watched paruthi veeran?' or 'oh u know GV prakash..so u listen to tamil songs???' moral of story...dun judge us before knowing us. we cant be mapping out ALL of our lifestyle in facebook, hi5 or frenster. its upto you to find out more than wat u read on our profiles. neither cant we be hollering to the public all the god damn time that 'yea we watch tamil movies..we are TRUE indian gals'..again, give us a BREAK la!!
lastly (actually its not,but geting kinda tired)..our social life. many indian guys right never allow their gals to HAVE a life. in the beginning they'll root for gals who are independent, smart, has her own say in things regarding their life blah blah...but end of the day,they want girls who'll just obey them all the time. well no offense but i do feel that a gf shud have sum form of respect to her man, but hello...vice versa as well :) they expect the gf to share the exact SAME interest as them, and follow him EVERYWHERE on his social outings. well, i dun kutuk these gals, but i feel when u do it at ur own will its ok..but dun let him force you.and plz dun give the crap that 'i love him so much, so his interest becomes my interest'..get a life,seriously.coz wat happens is that men will treat gals like doormats and start controlling her.talk about wanting gals who are smart and independant in the beginning! and yea,wats with men who never allow their gals to club. shit, i've seen pathetic guys like that and its just a sign of insecurity and fear. give us sum trust la and again stressing that i'm NOT representing the tramps who go overboard at clubs with the lewd dancing and the UNwanted cleavages.i'm just sideing the decent, modern gals who happen to enjoy dancing and glitzy clubs. another point, we do find it fun to go with our man,but sumtimes give us sum space la..gals night out can be totally harmless just like guys night out.
concluding this harsh article..all i wanna say that i haven't lost my entire faith on Indian men.i've met wonderful ones along the way who just love us for the way we are..just that i hope that the majority starts accepting the modern indian gals and start judging them after knowing their personality instead of blindly giving up on us. we can cook, we can house keep,we can earn and we can make you proud..try us..we are, after all, not that bad!

Unity...far-fetched?

2007-08-05T21:56:00.000-07:00

the headlines on NST got me thinking today.Raja Nazrin's call on unity,defining it and idealizing on how Malaysians should try to embrace the whole concept and actually live up to it.Firstly, a fine King in the making i would say.
I actually covered my ears and read the whole text intently, twice.The words were bombastic, the idea mighty and impressive but would it actually render to the crowds?We have been hearing it throughout time, again and again..the calls for unity made from every corner of the country, voiced frm every politician's mouth.but how much can we embrace?
i'm sure every non-malay will understand the idea i'm trying to draft out here.sumhow we cant seem to establish the notion deep within us because questioning disharmony draws out the fear of bringing out sensitive issues.and over time, we have seen enuf, heard enuf and experienced enuf, so much so that we have just given up on the whole ideology of unity.
Unity for me, is merely on a small scale basis..smiling and being courteous towards other races.coz any nicer u be,u get to the bottom of the stampede where people are rushing to save themselves before putting the community first..no harm in that coz in the adult world i guess thats the foundation of survival.
One strong point that i caught sumwhere once, that reflects the strength of a country.defined as the amount of migrants and immigrants a country has.how many professionals are seeking a non-malaysian residing status elsewhere? uncountable.
then how are we to achieve a 'united' nation when the greener pastures are undeniably anywhere else except our own country?

Tribute to a Stranger

2007-05-26T02:26:00.000-07:00

Exams are nearing.time for grueling schedules of hard core studies, lots of caffeine derived sleepless nights, high mounting levels of adrenaline rushes and the wait for that final day where exams are finally over and i..yup, come to my final year..yehooo! i haven't been a loyal blogger,my mistake..many things happen the past few weeks though now when i'm thinking of sumthing concrete to write about..nuthing seems to come up.
anyways, i was browsing thru the profile of Reshween sonia..for those of you who are still blur abt her,tis gal together with two other frens was killed in a road accident on the 1st of May 2007, supposedly on her 18th birthday. Honestly the profile conjured up mixed feelings. my initial response was shock and a slight tinge of freakiness...probably the fact tht she died on her birthday and the detailed description of the whole mishap by her fren..including the gory details of the mangled up bodies in the car as he approached the scene. after that i felt disappointed..wholesomely.To be taken away at sucha tender age, the fresh faced beauty with sucha bright future gleaming frm her eyes(seen thru her pics).but sumhow there is no one to be blamed except themselves. Teens and a major part of the community fail to realize the consequences of speeding and drunk-driving..preferring to be taught the hard way before learning their lesson..as in this case a bit too late.
of course,i do not know the whole scenario surrounding the cause of the accident,but putting two and two together,one cant help pointing the finger at the humans behind it..not the car,not the road..and not even God.
however, its all a reminder of how fragile life can be and how God provides us just the pages of our lives and we actually have to fill it up.
May the girl and her departed frens Rest In Peace.

to be thought of..

2007-04-15T07:17:00.000-07:00

Individuality. Nuthing can concretely define it. Differs in different people. Makes a person stand out or get singled out.
Many a times I ponder upon this popular term, really vast, often misunderstood and sumthing used merely as an excuse to be different from the rest.I've come across people who use bright colours, loud talk, accents and various methods to stand out from the rest. yet there are those really unique ones who make a statement by just being quiet and simple. so which is poignant?

To Club or Not?!

2007-03-12T13:43:00.000-07:00

It was the eve women's day, and we were suppose to crash into one of my gal fren's apartment as a getaway weekend thingy.clubbing was definitely on mind but we could not drag one of the stubborn mules to come along so it was shelved off last minute (bawl!!).anyways a few days later, despite all the fun we still had celebrating women's day,i got into this catchy argument with one of my closest gal-frens about clubbing.was actually picking out an outfit during shopping, a gorgeous chocolate brown top that was really IN except that it was long sleeved..and yup, from that point the brawl started.she gave a huff stating that she wudnt DREAM of walking into a club fully clothed and give people sumthing to gossip about.and the worse statement yet was when she started preaching about how clubbing ruins a gal's reputation and how the others(God knows who)look down upon gals who indulge in clubbing.i got into a weird frenzy,i am aware of the cardinal rule that clubbing was a place where people had fun and fashion goes hay-wire with creativity but always felt that the main thing is that u shud just wear wateva u want, dance how eva u want and drink as much as u want without giving a hoot about wat others say about you.and yup, i have been washed with feelings of disgust a tad too many times when i see unwanted cleavages spilling out during heavy dancing.no offense to those who feel comfortable wearing tight tubes and micro-minis but even my male frens share the same opinion about how there is a definite line that separates sexy from slutty.
Too bad that image conscious people like my fren seem to relate clubbing with skimpy outfits and decent dressing seems to be a reason to be outcasted.i totally disagree as i feel that u shud wear sumthing that ure honestly comfortable to chill and dance in,never follow the crowd..whether its the tubes or sum micro-mini with half your butt sticking out,at the end of the day u are walking into the bar as YOU not sum Britney or Paris lookalike/wannabee.Whether its long sleeved or fully covered,in that dark,heavily smoky area blasting with loud music and oozing with fun-driven people..who actually cares?
and coming to that 2nd narrow minded statement...i could only hiss in anger coz i have encountered one too many people who seem to label gals who club as sluts.well, here is some news, NOT every gal who clubs goes home drunk, not all gals who club are desperate for the pleasures of a man and not all gals who club work either as strippers,waitresses or GROs.
well, that catchy argument did end well..with me backing off in tight silence.realised it wasn't worth a fight and it wasn't a frenship i wanted to lose, so that explains why i'm actually venting out my frustrations here.anyways, she apologized later one and yup, i told her firmly but gently that even if she doesnt follow along for clubbing in the near future, i am still goin and of course, i would wear that blouse and have oodles of fun the next time,yay!

Its LOVE..?

2007-02-24T04:24:00.000-08:00

I caught an interesting topic on Oprah recently,being an ardent supporter of that marvelous show,i cant help getting flabbergasted when my principles coincide with the Guru herself.ok,getting to the point,it was a show on relationships, marriages and how it shud be seen by everyone.i watching intently and wham came that magnetic sentence.."never believe in soul-mates, never seek a person who completes you,unless u are complete yourself"..i was ELATED!! well, for those who dont know me well enough,i HAVE never embraced the concept of soul-mates.i tend to get irked when i hear 20 year olds walking around saying 'i found my soul-mate' or 'my soul-mate is sumwhere out there'.its a concept sumwhat always used as an excuse to make or break a relationship,i feel. there is absolutely no harm in believing in soul-mates but many tend to affix a criteria on tht term, that soul-mates are suppose to understand wateva u want and need without u actually having to spell it out, soul-mates shud have the same interest as u, soul-mates never argue simply because as you were supposedly made-for-each other u are suppose to have the exact wave-length on everything & anything.bullshit!!
wat i believe :
* your soul-mate wudbe the ONE whereby when u are 60, and u reminisced about ur life and the person who single-handedly stood by you all the years and offered u their utmost support, and of course the one whom throughout ur age shared that special spiritual fulfillment with..not sum cute guy u spotted in KLCC or a temple, had 3dates and an explosive makeout session and immediately becomes ur soul-mate..get a life,gals!
* love should never be an expectation, dont assume he is going to make that phone call,buy u that dress or offer a shoulder to lean on UNLESS you say it to him.and if at all after making it explicit & he IGNORES it, that when he is a jerk, period!
* an individual, man or woman should complete themselves first without actually having a partner to complete them.why? coz if anything happens, thats where the uncomplete people get paralysed without their partners..simply bcause they had a their backbone attached to sumone else's back.
* when u are 16,its a perfectly understandable excuse to affix red roses ,poetry & chocolates to the term 'romance' but when ure an adult (25 and above),lets try making things a little more matured..deep talks,emotional support & loads of faith in each other despite ur partner's tiny flaws..now THATS romance!
* a great fight is when u say things that doesnt make u happy, and even after u've shouted at each other,at the end of the day u know that ur partner knows ur best and yes, to the ego-maniacs out there,it wudbe helpful if u actually use the word 'sorry'if u were on the wrong side.and talking out of experience, making out after that GREAT fight is always a turn-on! (hahaha)
*Make a bond that is functional rather than material.
marriages should bring out a person's BIGGEST assets..patience,tolerance and again, FAITH not how many cars ur husband has or how many branded stuff he gets u a year.
and of course, the last..NEVER be afraid to fall in love, coz once u've got a hold on that..ure never going to turn back..:)
alrite,ppl...again i successfully blogged on an extremely interesting topic in conjunction with valentines day(another thing i dun believe in,:P ).u have to realise that when i end my post abruptly like this one,i'm actually out of ideas and creativity..:P

hope my thoughts wasn't an understatement.
till the next blog....

Bitchology!

2007-02-10T06:52:00.000-08:00

Babe in Total Control of Herself : The phrase so stricken with familiarity that it has come that miniscule point where it is nerve grating. No offense to the inventor though, i totally salute her creativity (of course, it HAD to be a fellow gender-mate). And i also holler to the unanimous voices that it is purrrfectly OKAY to be a bitchcrafting bombshell in this egomaniacal male dominated world.But just that when every aminah, ah kwan & devi(malaysian version of tom, dick & jane) try to plaster the verse into their personality without knowing wat it is suppose to mean..thats when i get a tad irritated.
Anyways, the irony is that i still refer to sum gals as bitches not because they amaze me but simply because they inadvertly got themselves into my blackest book (blackest means the most heinous sins committed by people that i could find no room to forgive, but the pages are more empty than full, :p)
So back to the point, i find that the new metamorphised terminology is applauded yet NOT absorbed. For me its still phrases like 'eye-catching', 'magnetic' rather than bitch.
Plus yes, as a gal, i too was taught over & over again by my disciplinarian parents about how only trashy people used crude language like bitch or f*ck.wat the heck, at least in front of my parents, i wudnt want to look trashy.
I was told that from history, the word 'bitch' was originally for a female dog.but sumhow MEN started using on women who were powerful, strong , outspoken or shortly to say, women whose intelligence just intimidated them.and those were the times where women used to start bawling wheneva they were termed as a bitch. But now, wohoo..women tend to scream for joy just to be known as a bitch. its all about gothic attire or even the HOT pink so in fashion now, plus THE attitude that commands attention everywhere we go.i'm glad in sum way, women want to get noticed purely by their gender and not by the man they belong to.And i guess, only time wud tell if this term actually applies to me or not.and even if it does, wat the heck,bitch or not..at least i AM in self-control.

2007-01-08T08:03:00.000-08:00

I'm impressed with those who can blog daily,even more impressed with those who make that once in a while post that leaves many readers craving for more...well,i wish i was either one but sadly for me blogging is like...hmm,like that sinfully delicious choc ice cream that you've finally got ur hands on..creamy cold outside with a thin crispy bittersweet layer as a mask and on the inside a thick lump of choc fudge..kinda gets icky and gives u a headache before u can finish up the whole thing.well i know i didnt really quote a perfect example on that but lets just affirm that blogging for me needs time and space(and tht notion applies to my relationships as well)..i need ideas to write upon,i need that killer mood that will make my fingers fly through the keyboard and send the others around me reeling mad.
anyways there are those moments where u just-feel-like-blogging..like now..and that would indefinitely explain why this posting maybe perceived as vague and crappy.
getting into the scoop,the year started as out as a bore!!! the eve was fun though as always,midnite ws spent out in the chill watching fireworks that covered like every inch of the velvety black sky..wished everyone with a hug,probably e'one wanted to keep warm as well.then went in for a nice sparkling dose of champagne with all the silliest toasts we could come up with(not forgetting to toast our singlehood and how ,despite all the fun we had ,freaking wished we cud have a New Year smooch with any available hunk..desperados!!).cudnt finish through my entire shot though..slept at 2am.Woke up feeling not like a million dollars and after that time just flew!! its exams now with mugging and caffeine plus the headaches made even worse when u have one single paper to complete and its called 'medical ethics'!!! nope,no drugs, no symptoms,no practicals..just theoretical bullshit about ethics and laws.crap!
i wish the year turns out good but honestly sumhow its that feeling where u dun really want to welcome it.sumhow u feel its gonna be just-another-year..no hype,no adrenaline rush..just monotonous and super-speedy.well,i'm open for surprises but on the other hand...wudnt make much of a difference.
anyways,after the exams i'll be having my hols and i can look forward to a winter thats gonna be filled with tv,junk food and lotsa sleep.boring!!
here's a toast to 2007 = can it get better..PLEASE?!!

The Price of Venus

2006-12-31T06:11:00.000-08:00

In today’s fast spinningworld, a metamorphic transformation is taking place where women are transformed into objects, stripped of their seeming humanity by those around them. It’s a vicious cycle, if someone is seen as less than human, then any acts of violence against them becomes inevitable and perhaps even worse, it becomes tolerable.
Women are now chillingly portrayed as the same level as a table or a chair..using their designs(body parts) as the crowd pleaser.
Just take a look at the images and sounds in the world around us. Beyonce and friends carry on about the merits of being “Bootylicious.” The Black Eyed Peas sing about “my humps, my humps, my lovely lady lumps.” Nelly Furtado and Timberland carry on a conversation about how a promiscuous girl is teasing a man. Ciara sings about her “goodies.” Only in America could degradation pass off as female empowerment.
Women are taught from an early age and now goaded on by Mtv to show off their “goodies” long before the song came out. My goodies, my booty, not even a complete female body, but mere body parts are being used to sell products. The rest of the women’s body is unimportant.
It’s the equivalent of an abusive husband calling his wife the c-word. It’s easy to hurt someone when they aren’t seen as completely human. The only difference is that when Beyonce or Ciara objectify themselves into disposable pop body parts, everybody laps it up because it all looks so nice and pretty on Mtv, but lurking beneath the advertising for their latest CD is a much darker and hidden undertone and nobody seems to mind. I have yet to hear a hit song by Eminem called “My pecs, my lats, my lovely manly cleft.” I doubt that anyone else would want to either. But when a woman does it, they unknowingly accept it as the epitome of hip.
Some women may ask themselves; does my husband want me to have bigger breasts? TV shows like The Swan, where regular women are subjected to plastic surgery seem to glamorize the superficial fixing of life’s problems through botox injections and liposuction. Most of the women who have had breast implants lose sensation in them. The self-esteem of such girls plummets by the time they reach adolescence. They are encouraged to cut themselves up to fulfill another male idea of perfect beauty.
Men are not as judged by their bodies as women are. Some women see themselves as acceptable only if they’re thin. Kate Winslet and former British supermodel, Twiggy, seen by many as the vanguard of the waif look, recently spoke out against size zero models, calling on a ban of such models on the catwalk and in magazines.
I feel sorry for the women who put themselves under the knife to get bigger breasts or flatter stomachs. I do not know why they do it. It seems to me to be a waste of money because if there is one thing that can be said about men, it is that they will do anything.

The year in short.

2006-12-03T07:46:00.000-08:00

As 2006 is coming to an end.(in abt 4 weeks time)...before sealing the lid,cant help doing the usual how-was-the-year calculative review.And my conclusion is undeniably predictable..SPLENDID!
It was a whirlwind,no denial about that..time flew like a torpedo,events just came and went in the blink of an eye plus my usually concentric social circle expanded comfortably.Most importantly being optimistic as i always am..cant remember the bad stuff that happened..nope. I grew up tremendously though,to an extent that i'm confident i can face the world single-handedly now without a frown.My level of compassion rised to new heights ,in preparation for my career i suppose..:) and yes,i've fiercely embraced the two most important things that forms my backbone..family and religion.Which is why i feel an aura of fulfillment enveloping me everywhere i go,every step i take.
My ambitions and dreams are more distinct now,and like fire..blazing.I've learned to face each day with a smile, and yes to love unconditionally with a hells worth of patience!
The old traits stayed on though..being a bookworm,passionate about my privacy,my mood swings (lasting for a nano-sec usually),and the other intricacies that makes me up.
The year was indefinitely a bang,and the upcoming year would be too...I'm going to sail through it with a smile and without resolutions..(i dun believe in them!). 2007..here i come :O

Dawn Cracks.

2006-11-17T10:54:00.000-08:00

I MISSED blogging! i neva give up when it comes to this,its perhaps my 4th personal blog.Living a life that is harshly influenced by mood and temptations its not a wonder that i developed tis sudden explosive urge to open a blog and blog till i'm at a frail end of life..dramatic? u bet! well,u might ask wat happen to the remaining 3 blogs that i so opened...closed,shutdown,terminated..wateva u call it.due to pure lazyness and inability to cope with other excellent blogs that seemingly threw mine into the last spot.but i've emerged..fresh and not to be outcasted..another white canvas that will be painted with my thoughts,ideas and grumbles.and tis time no notions just to impress,no direct hits ,definitely no bombastic grammar or sum plagiarized poetry here.just a mirror of my scrambled confusions and an attempt to give people a hint of the person that makes up ME.
anyways,hope my blog entertains or even if it rattles your mind to a certain degree..i will be glad.till the next posting, the pen IS mightier than the sword.